Page 15 of Charger

He pulls me tighter, as if I can get any closer. I’m already pressed up to him as far as I can go. My hands rest on his chest as I let him consume my mouth. He’s guiding me, showing me, and I love the way he tastes. My heart is beating so fast, along with an aching throb between my thighs. Oh God. I pull away. The kiss leaves me breathless. Leaves us both breathless.

My eyes meet his. His chest rises and falls, his nostrils flaring, with eyes that are completely burning into me. We stare at each other like this until an angry Sam snaps. Then Hannah says something, but I tune them both out. The only thing I hear, see, feel is Zach in front of me.

“What the fuck? That was no best friend kiss. Hot damn.” Hannah laughs.

Everyone in the room has the same blank look on their face—mouth open and jaw to the floor. Tommy is giving me a scowl while Sam flies up from the circle.

“Screw this. I’m out.”

I look at Zach, waiting for him to go after her, but he doesn’t. He hasn’t taken his eyes off me since we broke apart. I don’t know what just happened but I feel like it may have changed my and Zach’s relationship. I just went from being excited and turned on, to a hot mess of emotions. With one last look, I turn on my heels and run out of the room. Yes, I am afraid. Could it be the alcohol and the fact that I am a little intoxicated? Maybe…

“Jules!” Zach calls out for me, but I don’t stop. I keep running. My brother watches me fly by and I hear him call my name too. Then Lisa joins in.

I make it outside but keep going. I can’t remember where we parked—it’s not like I’ll be driving anyway without the keys. I just run. I don’t know where to, but I’m not stopping.

The same hand, which minutes ago was cradling my face, takes hold of my arm and I’m being spun around. “Where are you going?” I frantically whip back and forth, like a fish out of water, because I can’t be around him right now. I don’t want him to see me cry. Tears are starting to fall and all I want to do is get away. To hide away.

“Please, Zach, just let me go!” My brother and Lisa stand there, watching me freak out.

“Zach, what the hell is going on, man? Did something happen?” My brother has no idea that Zach and I just made out.

“Jules, stop! Stop moving. Why did you run away?”

“Because!” I scream. “Everything is going to change now. It’s all going to be ruined!” At this point, I’m sobbing. There’s no stopping the floodgates. I don’t want to lose my best friend. He only kissed me back because of the dare, and now everything is going to be weird. My feelings for him might be real but that doesn’t mean he has the same feelings for me. I can’t lose him. The pain in my chest causes more tears to spill out. “I just want to go home, Zach. Please let me go.” The last part comes out as a whisper and exhaustion overtakes me. The flopping and thrashing around stops.

Garrett walks up to us. “Zach, let her go. I’ll take her home.”

“No, fuck that. I’m taking her home.” He looks at my brother. “I got this. She’ll be fine.” Garrett nods his head because there is no one else he would trust me with more than Zach.

“Jules… you okay?” Tommy joins in on the fun. But his stern facial expression burrows into me.

“Yeah, everything is fine. I got her, so you can back the hell off.” Zach gives him a menacing look, right before he scoops me up like I weigh absolutely nothing and carries me to his car. I think. Honestly, I can’t see anything because my eyes are blurry from crying. I huddle into his chest, even though all I really want right now is to be alone. But his warmth feels so good. His arms feel so safe.

“I got you, Jules. You’re okay.” He sets me down, but keeps his arm tight around my waist while he gets his keys out of his pocket. He stops to look at me. I’ve calmed down a little since the scene in the street. “Why did you run like that?” His eyes connect with mine, still not letting me go. My body is being swallowed by Zach’s stare and my insides are melting.

“I-I ran because… because we shouldn’t have done that. I don’t want things to change between us. I don’t want things to be weird and awkward. You’re not just Garrett’s best friend. You’re mine too, and I-I can’t lose you!” He rubs his hands repeatedly over my arms as I begin to cry again. The thought of ever being away from Zach makes me frantic.

“Jules, look at me.” When I don’t, he takes my face in his hands. “Look. At. Me.” Obeying this time, I glance up as he continues, “You will never lose me. Don’t you get that? I’m not going anywhere. I promise, and things don’t have to change. We’ll still go on, every day, being best friends. It’s not going to be different because of some stupid fucking dare.” His eyes dart back and forth between mine. “If that’s what you want, we will continue like nothing happened.”

If that’s what I want? His face tenses at his own words.

To say the kiss didn’t mean anything would be a lie. But I can’t lose him. I don’t want to lose him. I’m almost sure that he doesn’t want me like that, so why would I ruin what we have in our friendship? I nod my head and look down at the ground. He sighs then opens the passenger door, helping me inside. What I really wanted to tell him was: no, it’s not what I want. It’s not what I want at all. I watch intensely as he walks around the hood of the car, and I squeeze my hands together, burying my nails into my palms.

We don’t talk all the way home. I’m emotionally exhausted and I’m also coming down from my buzz. He parks in the street and I notice a man’s truck (not his father’s) in his driveway. The tension in the car quickly shifts. I can tell by Zach’s facial expression that whoever it is, it’s not someone he wants to see. He grips the steering wheel tighter.

“Zach…”

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Jules, good night.” He cuts me off, but his eyes don’t leave the truck and I don’t ask about it because I’m too tired. Too defeated. So, I let it go.

I drag myself to my bedroom as quietly as I can, without waking up my parents. I strip off my clothes, down to the nitty-gritty, and bury myself in my covers, snuggling them tight to my chest.

My mind wanders to the kiss. I touch my fingers to my lips, as if trying to remember the feel of Zach’s on mine, and the ache in my chest starts. He tasted so good. Felt so right. And that just makes me like him even more.

I throw the covers over my head, as if I could hide from my fear. Then I let the heaviness of sleep consume me because I’m so mentally done with tonight it’s not even funny.

SIX

Jules

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