Page 108 of Four Seconds to Lose

It has to be drugs. No wonder she’s been so secretive. Fuck! Given who Dan is, my past... it’s all adding up. I remember how she froze when she realized I had spoken to this Sam guy. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that whoever he is, he’s controlling her—and she’s terrified of him. Maybe he is her real father. That would mean she has assumed someone else’s identity, because the one she gave me is real.

Someone went to a lot of trouble to hide who she really is.

Quickly searching the rest of the place, I find nothing of interest. And no gun. She must have it on her.

There’s really not much left to do except sit on her couch—inhaling the faint scent of her floral perfume that it still holds. I slide my phone out of my pocket and dial her number. And wait. But... what the fuck am I going to say? Accuse her of dealing drugs over the phone? Shit. I should have given this some more thought.

With a heavy sigh, my thumb shifts to the “end” button when Charlie’s sweet voice comes on to ask me to leave a message. But I find I can’t hit it. I can’t break this connection to her. What if it’s the only one I have left? What if this is my only chance to get everything off my chest?

“Hi, Charlie.” My voice cracks with her name. It might not be her real name, but it’s the only one I know. To me, she’s Charlie. She’s the woman who stole my heart right out from me before I even realized she had her hands on it. I chuckle into the phone, the irony not lost to me. I did hire a thief, after all.

Like a floodgate, the words begin pouring out freely and quickly as I try to beat the time limit on the messaging system. I explain what happened with China and how I’m firing her. I explain how I just rifled through her things and I know what she’s into—or suspect what she’s into—and how I don’t care, as long as she’ll let me help her get away from it. I’ll do anything to help her get out of it.

I explain how I wish I had never said those words to her tonight, how I could never just let her go. How we can figure this out.

How I’ve fallen for her.

It isn’t until the answering service cuts me off that I realize my entire body is shaking.

I lean back. I take a deep, calming breath.

And I wait for her to come home.

She’s not leaving my sight again until she trusts me completely. Until I drag every last confession out of her beautiful mouth.

Until I get her out of this fucking mess.

chapter forty

¦¦¦

CHARLIE

I won the showdown.

Four cups of coffee and two pieces of apple pie later, I watched the black sedan pull out of the parking lot and head left. He likely figured out that I was on to him. There’s a good chance he’s waiting in a nearby parking lot for my truck to pull out, so I watch the window for another two hours, until my eyes are heavy and I’m seriously debating curling up on the bench.

But I can’t, because I still have too much to do, including the first unselfish thing I’ve done since the day I walked into Penny’s. As soon as the plump middle-aged waitress comes back from her smoke break, I politely ask her for a pen and some paper.

¦¦¦

I hug my knapsack to my body. There’s fifty thousand dollars packed into it, so, naturally, I feel like a sitting duck with a sign over my head that reads “rob me of all that I have.” It is all that I have, along with some basic supplies and a few articles of clothing that I picked up at the twenty-four-hour Wal-Mart while waiting for the bank to open.

It took ten minutes to clear out my safety deposit box and my bank account. When I went to sell my car to the dealership, they told me it would take a few days to cut me a check. I flirted, I yelled, I groveled. I pulled out all my best acting skills. Finally I asked them what it would cost to get them to take it immediately.

I walked out of there with ten grand in cash, knowing I had been cheated.

Not caring.

Now, as I sit on a bench, waiting for my bus out of Miami, there’s only one thing left to do. Well, two things.

I’m not sure which is harder.

My burner phone rings. “Hello, little mouse. Feeling normal again today?”

Normal. What is normal? My quiet acceptance of all that Sam has trained me to be? Of his tainted love, with all the ugliness that comes with it?

I had an entire speech planned, about how he had taken advantage of me, how you don’t put those you love in danger. How I don’t think I can ever forgive him. But I’m tired and it just feels unnecessary. There are only two words I need to say.

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