Page 63 of Too Hostile

She takes pity on me, and all I can think is, Thank God.

But it doesn’t matter if she talks about Fletcher or not.

He’s the only thing on my mind.

FLETCHER

“Oh, come on, Fletcher. You know you want to go.” Some big jock type whose name I can’t remember nudges my shoulder as we walk through the middle of campus. He’s trying to get me to go to a party at his frat house tonight.

I’ve been back in school for almost two weeks now, and I’ve already made friends.

Yay me.

“Nah, I don’t think so. I’m not really into parties,” I tell him truthfully, but I say it with that practiced big bright smile that makes it seem like I don’t want to jump off a damn cliff.

And okay, I don’t actually. Don’t worry. But honestly, deep down inside, everything hurts. I can’t stop thinking about Ronan. Wondering if he’s okay. If he’s as miserable as I am. Annie says he’s actually much worse, but I don’t think that’s true.

If it were, he’d have sat outside my apartment and begged me to take him back, like I’ve contemplated doing almost every single night since we ended things between us.

Or he ended things.

I was prepared to figure this all out. I feel like we could have, but there’s something holding him back. Something that’s been holding him back from day one with me, and of course, I know what that is.

He can’t lose his job. He loves his job. But I don’t know. I think it’s more than that. I think he loves me too, but he’s afraid.

“Aw, man. Are you sure?” He really wants me to go to this party, but it’s not happening. Still, I’m not going to crush the guy.

“We’ll see. I gotta get going though. I’m starving and have another class in an hour.”

We do some weird bro hug thing, and then I dart off, not wanting to waste any more time with this guy. And although I am actually starving, I don’t really want to eat. I don’t really want to do anything.

I make my way to my apartment. But when I get to the door, I realize it’s not locked, even though it was when I went to class. My shoulder sag, and I huff as I push open the door, not at all surprised to see Blair sitting at the counter.

“Still breaking and entering,” I say with absolutely no emotion and close the door behind me.

She climbs off the stool, walking over to me with a coffee in one hand and a brown paper bag in the other. I can smell my favorite sub in the bag, and although my stomach growls, there’s no joy in it.

“Mickey’s. Thank you,” I manage, but instead of handing the bag and coffee over, she places them on the counter and then wraps her arms around me.

“Sweetheart.”

“I’m okay,” I barely choke out around a sob because I’m so not okay.

“No. You aren’t,” she says instantly and then pulls back, moving her hands to cup my face, and then I realize she’s wiping tears from under my eyes. “You didn’t get excited about a meatball sub. Something is very, very wrong.”

She’s also tearing up, but she manages a smile, which makes me smile too, even with tears falling. “He ended it.”

She’s still holding my face. “Oh, honey. I’m so sorry.” She releases my face, but only to wrap her arms around me once again and hold me tight. I don’t push her away. I let her hold onto me. I let her comfort me because I’m just so damn tired. I’m exhausted from pretending I’m okay.

I’m not okay.

I’m miserable and sad, and I miss him so damn much, it hurts me every single day. I wanted him. I wanted to work it out, and he pushed me away.

We move over to the couch, and she doesn’t bother grabbing the food. Just wraps her arm around me and lets me lean on her shoulder—which probably looks ridiculous, given our sizes, but she doesn’t seem bothered, and neither am I.

“He can’t lose his job.” I can’t tell her too much, but I don’t think Ronan would mind a little more information going to Blair. Not that I’ll ever see him again anyway. “He’s like me, Blair. And Rhett and Bree. He needs his job because he never had anything that was his before.”

She takes in the information, and I know she knows exactly what I’m saying. “Well, okay. But haven’t you two been keeping it a secret? Why would he lose his job if you do that?”

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