Page 41 of Too Hostile

I can’t help the goofy-ass grin on my face as I help Annie do some research in the library. I mean, I asked him to give me something, and he did.

Yup. My face might actually split open with how big I’m grinning right now. To some, it may have seemed like a joke or not enough, but to me? He’s trying. Why? I’m not sure either of us will actually admit it.

Me for fear of being wrong and him for just... well, fear.

But he was dead serious. I could tell by the look on his face as he desperately searched for something to tell me. Something very real about himself. Something he doesn’t tell other people.

It may seem small, but I know there’s so much more to him than he lets on. I have no idea what he’s hiding about his past, but there’s something there. I recognize that pain.

So yeah, I’m a smiling goofy bastard today after Professor Ronan Barlowe shared his secret with me last night.

Annie closes her laptop and peers at me over the table. “Go see him.”

“What?” I say, looking at her over my still open laptop. “Who?” She can’t know what I was thinking about. There’s no way. I mean, we haven’t been super careful, but we’ve been pretty damn careful. Unless maybe she saw me coming out of his office a couple of times.

She rolls her eyes at me with a sweet laugh. “Do you really think I’m that dense?”

Oh shit. She does know. I’m pretty sure my jaw has hit the floor as I stare at her like a dead fish, my mouth just hanging open.

She reaches across the table and closes my laptop, her eyes lighting up with amusement and maybe a little bit of pity. “Go see him. We’re done today, and I won’t need your help until Tuesday. Go.”

My throat is dry, and nerves are threatening to eat me alive, but this is normally where I thrive. I’m usually good at hiding a part of myself, but I can’t seem to do that at all with Ronan, and apparently that seems to trickle down to his friends too. Because I know how important his friends are to him, I can’t try to lie to her. “Does he know you know?”

She laughs at that and then she shakes her head. “No. Of course not. He’d freak the hell out and probably try to end things with you.” She waves her hand. “He gets really damn dramatic sometimes.”

I can’t help the smile, even though the thought of him ending anything makes me sick to my stomach. He’s going to end things when the summer ends, my mind tries to remind me. I push it away. “You aren’t upset?”

“About you and him?” I nod. “No, of course not. Look, I love Ronan, but he thinks too much. He overthinks way too much, and you’re good for him.”

“Because I don’t think about anything?” I ask with a grin.

Her eyes roll. “No. But you make him more fun. I haven’t been around him much lately—I’m guessing that’s because of you—” I should feel guilty, but I don’t. And she only laughs and then goes on, “But when I have seen him, he’s been so happy. Lighter. It’s so good to see him that way and so rare.”

My chest pinches with the information. “He is kind of wound tight.”

Her lips are pursed tightly now, and it’s like she wants to tell me something but stops herself. Has he told her about his past? I won’t betray his trust by asking, not that she’d tell me anything, but it only makes me want to know even more. “You make him happy. You should go. You know, he’s in his office, and if you don’t make him leave, he’ll probably stay there all damn night.”

I smile at that because she’s right. “It’s just for the summer, you know?” I blurt out as I stand up.

She cocks her head to the side and studies me. I wait for her response. Why I need it I’m not sure, and I’m not sure what I’m hoping she’ll say. Maybe she’ll think it’s possible to last longer. That there’s some hope.

She just sits up a little straighter, lifting her chin and looking into my eyes. “Then make it the best summer.”

Well, damn. Okay, so no hope from Annie, but she’s right. If it’s only going to be the summer, I’m going to make sure it’s going to be the best damn summer.

I thank her, and on my short walk over to Ronan’s office, a plan is already forming. My stomach is in knots by the time I reach his office door and knock on the frame to let him know I’m there.

He looks up from his computer, sitting at his desk, and the smile that comes over his face nearly knocks me over. It’s so damn beautiful, it hurts.

Please don’t say no.

“Done for the day?” he asks as I walk into the room. I don’t shut the door behind me—I kind of think at this point that may look more suspicious than anything, and if he says yes, hopefully we won’t be staying here long anyway.

“I am.” I stop at his desk, my heart about to leap out of my chest.

“I’m almost finished. I was thinking about watching that Netflix doc about the couple who was kidnapped.”

Again with the goofy-ass grin. I just can’t seem to help myself. I’m way too far gone. I know I am, but still, Annie’s right. I need to make the most out of this summer. The memories of this... that’s what’s going to make the heartache worth it.

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