Page 38 of Fastlander Fighter

“Captain! I am not that kind of girl.”

“I know I should care about that, but I have a lot of old habits and ways of thinking about relationships. I still have that devil on my shoulder, and I kept thinking about you, and I have been desperate to bury my fucking dick so deep in you that you won’t ever think about Ryan again. And I know how that sounds, I know that’s messed up, but you should know how I am, Sloane. You should understand what I am, and then make decisions accordingly. I’m going to tell you all the bad shit about me. Part of me is going to try and chase you off when I’m too lazy to run, and part of me is going to try and seduce you closer just to see if I can get a woman like you. Part of me is going to think about buying Ruger little treats every time I’m in a store. Part of me is going to hurt you, and part of me is going to want to heal you, and I know me. I won’t know how to heal anything. You talked about going on a date, and you came out all dressed up and looking fucking sexy, and something inside of me snapped and I wanted more. I…fuck!”

“You what? You’re in it deep now, Captain. Finish it.” Perhaps she couldn’t respect all of his motives, but she sure did respect all of his honesty.

“I cared. I wanted to put you in front of the Crew and see if you sank or swam, and you fuckin’ swam, Sloane. The girls loved you. I could tell. Your smile eased up through the night and I couldn’t stop watching you, and then I was standing there by your door hearing you utter the words you didn’t feel pretty, and I wanted to take every awful feeling your ex gave you away.”

“Captain,” she whispered.

“What?” he gritted out.

“That’s how you heal a woman.”

He let off a long, shaking sigh. “I’m going to Change soon. I have to. Honesty time—everything in me wants to come back to you and kiss the shit out of you until you’re completely addicted to me, but I don’t know my bear’s plans well enough to put you through it. You’re nice, Sloane. And a good mom. And normal.”

“Normal,” she repeated, confused.

“My life will eat you and Ruger alive.”

“I think you are feeling just as confused as I am,” she said softly, her mind whirling with her thoughts.

“I have to Change or I’m going to come back and ask for too much, too soon. I’ll text you later.”

“Okay,” she murmured. “Do you want me to come along?”

“And see the bear? Fuck no. We did that before. It didn’t go well, remember?”

“Okay,” she repeated, uncertain of what he wanted from her.

“Don’t let me get to you unless you are sure it’s what you want.”

She didn’t understand, but before she could ask, a long growl rattled straight through the phone and tickled her eardrum. “Gotta go,” he forced out in a deep, gravelly voice she barely recognized.

The line went dead, and she whispered, “Bye, Captain,” before she shoved her phone back into her purse and looked around her apartment.

Stacks of boxes still littered the living room and kitchen. They were full of memories from her old life, that had made sense to her for so long, and she’d been putting off opening them. It had hurt her heart to think about removing the tape from the boxes and pulling out those memories one by one.

Now? Late on this night, after a roller coaster date with a man who had her attention, unpacking those memories suddenly seemed very important.

Sloane clenched her jaw in determination and set her purse by the front entrance, then approached the first box. The label, Pictures, was scribbled across the top in her cursive writing.

Ryan had moved on, but she hadn’t been quite yet ready to go through the old memories until tonight.

Now, no matter what happened with Captain, she needed to feel more moments like she had tonight.

She needed to feel more like herself, now that she was assured she still existed somewhere inside of the shell of herself.

Captain had said he didn’t know how to heal her, and perhaps they would go nowhere, but he did have an instinct for healing. Already he’d reminded her of who the fuck she was, and that held weight to a woman who had been drowning for so long.

Captain would be in the woods tonight as a terrifying animal, and she would be tackling a terrifying animal here—coping with the loss of a life she’d thought belonged to her.

Really coping. It would be hard work, but it was time, and as of tonight, she was ready.

She grabbed a box cutter off the fireplace mantle and cut open the top of the box.

Starting tonight, her path was changing. No more Sad Sloane the Victim.

She was no one’s victim. It had taken Captain’s kind words and gentle kiss to remind her she was still here, she still existed, she was breathing, she was still a red-blooded woman.

---