Page 44 of Heartless Pucker in Love

My lips lifted slightly at the corners.

“You were right, April. I can be a dick, but you were off about me making your life hell in school.”

I definitely didn’t want to go there. “Julian?”

“No, we’re having this conversation because it’s bothered me my entire adult life.”

My brows shot up. “Seriously?”

“Yes, April. I’ve had attacks of guilt since I left Oakland, and every time I thought about you.”

“You thought about me?”

A sliver of pink highlighted his cheeks, and my lips parted in shock. He rubbed the back of his neck and gave me a sheepish smile.

My eyes narrowed when he said, “Once in a while…but that’s not what’s important here.”

“Oh, I think it’s very important that you think about me.” I tried to swallow my smile when he glared.

“The important thing,” he emphasized, “is that I’ve always felt bad about high school.” He shrugged. “Before that even.”

I didn’t say a word. I just studied him, and his troubled expression closely.

He wiped a hand over his face and continued, “The thing is, you have this memory of me bullying you and that’s not true. If you put aside all resentment for me and look back, really look, you’ll see that I was never the one to bully you.”

My brows drew together, and my gaze skated away from his. Deep down, I knew he was right. Maybe I saw things the way I did because I’d always been disappointed that he never saw me the way I wanted him to see me. Like a girl he could be attracted to.

“When we had our spats, I never said anything to hurt you.”

I shook my head and opened my mouth to tell him that he did hurt me. But he scooted closer, grasped my chin, and forced me to look at him. “Not intentionally. You know it’s true. It was you who viewed everything I said as insulting. Everything I’d ever said was things that I noticed about you and liked. You are a peculiar creature, and I like that about you. You stood out like a rare gem amongst all the other carbon copies who tried way too hard to fit in.” His soft laughter made my abdominal muscles clench. “And you did dress like a goddamn walking bouquet.” His voice lowered as he said, “But when did I ever tell you that was a bad thing? I thought you were adorable.”

I searched for something to say. He was right. Julian had never said anything to cut me deep like some of the other vicious kids. He’d always made comments about me that were indeed true observations. He’d always had a look in his eyes too. The same soft yet sharply assessing look he had now as his blue orbs roved over my face with...affection. I could recognize the look now. As a kid, how on earth was I supposed to know that it was a look of affection and...attraction? Tension sizzled between us when we argued but again, I couldn’t identify sexual tension back then.

Oh, my God. Had Julian always been attracted to me? Sweet Mother Earth. The revelation threw me for a loop. I liked my dry lips. “B-but you never...how come you never…”

“Why would I say anything when you hated my guts?” He chuckled and dropped his hand. “I was a stupid kid who tried to fit in with assholes. I never said anything to stop my idiot friends from…Maybe that made me a bigger asshole than them.”

“The important thing is you’re a pretty decent guy now.” I purse my lips to hide my smile. “Or I never would have slept with you.”

He lifted one brow and amusement gleamed in his eyes. “Good to know. So, we’re good?”

“Julian, in all honesty, I have no idea what we are but I’m trying to work with it.”

A moment of silence ticked by before his laughter floated around me. A deep, smooth sound that made me itch to go upstairs to his bedroom. “Oh, April,” he shook his head, “always so delightful.”

My smile emerged and blossomed. Gazing at him, I felt like something changed between us, but I wasn’t sure exactly what. I think there was a kind of silent agreement that we’d try to work with whatever was growing between us even if we failed miserably in the end. I swallowed hard at the possibility of getting hurt. That frightened part of me was ready to abort. However, the minuscule secret romantic part of me that I just decided to embrace told me to stick around for a little while.

22

JULIAN

“So, let me get this straight. You have a woman shacking up with you, but she’s not your girlfriend?”

Silence stretched between Jeff and me, and I gritted my teeth and adjusted my gloves. Jeff was one of the few guys on the team I could talk to about things like this. I guess you could say we were friends. I told April I didn’t have many friends in this circle because it was hard to tell who was genuine, but Jeff was a good guy. Being married with three kids mellowed him out and made it much easier to share uncomfortable things with him. Like the very touchy topic of my relationship with April.

“First of all, we’re not shacking up. Secondly, why do you sound amused?” I didn’t bother to look at him. If I did, I’d see laughter gleaming in his eyes and I’d be tempted to whack him with my hockey stick. Jeff was the kind of guy who found humor in just about everything like I did. Being on the receiving end of the teasing, however, didn’t suit me.

“It’s hard not to be. We’ve been on this team together for years, and I’ve never seen or heard you like this.”

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