Page 61 of Vicious Devotion

Gabriel laughs at that, a full, real laugh that reminds me just how tense and stressful things have been lately. It feels like a long time since I’ve heard him laugh like that.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying your visit,” he says with a smirk. “Have fun, Bella. I’ll see you tonight.”

It’s a statement that should be full of promise, but it isn’t, because of the agreement we’ve made. And I can’t deny the way my stomach swoops with disappointment at the thought.

“Tonight, hm?” Clara wiggles her eyebrows at me, and I shake my head.

“We’re not doing any more of that,” I tell her firmly, and her eyes widen in shock.

“You can’t possibly be serious. You married him, and you’re not going to fuck him? Bella?—”

“It complicates things,” I say, cutting her off, and she shakes her head.

“What things? I don’t understand, Bella. You’re married,” she repeats. “What on earth can it possibly complicate?”

“It’s an arrangement. For my protection. I explained all of that.” I let out a sharp breath, stabbing one of the sausage links with my fork. “And when I don’t need that protection any longer?—”

Understanding dawns on Clara’s face. “Bella. You can’t be serious. Is that what he said he wants?”

I bite my lip, shaking my head. “No. But he told me he’ll let me leave if I don’t want to be married after all of this is done. He knows how I feel about arranged marriages, how hard I was trying to stay out of one, and?—”

“Bella. This isn’t the same thing.” Clara sets her fork down. “You love those kids. You love being a part of this family. You’re honestly going to walk away from all of it once it’s safe to do so? Why on earth?—”

“He doesn’t love me.” My appetite has completely fled. “I’m married to a man that I have feelings for, despite how hard I tried not to, and he doesn’t love me. He told me from the start?—”

“Bella.” Clara interrupts me again, a fond exasperation in her voice. “Just because he said that at the beginning doesn’t mean that’s how it’s always going to be. Things change. Your feelings for him have changed, haven’t they?”

“Well, yes, but?—”

“So why couldn’t his?”

“He hasn’t said anything about them changing. Just that the marriage was necessary, and he’ll let me go if I want. Nothing about love, or—” I swallow hard, my eyes burning as I try to fight back the threatening emotions. “Nothing about this lasting.”

Clara shakes her head. “Not everything has to be said out loud.” She tilts her head, looking at me. “I can tell you have feelings for him. And the way he looks at you—he might not have said anything outright, but I can tell that he feels something more for you, too. You could see where it goes. It could make you both happy. Especially after all of this is over?—”

“Igor burned down his house.” Just saying it aloud makes me feel faintly nauseated.

“I know,” Clara says quietly. “You told me when you first mentioned the proposal. That doesn’t change anything about how I see him looking at you now?—”

“That was the house he and his wife bought together. The house he brought his kids home to. All of the memories he had left of her. Photos, things he saved from when Cecelia and Danny were babies—” My eyes well up with tears, thinking of how hard that must be for Gabriel. What a devastating blow that must have been when he found out. He was calm when he told me—undoubtedly because he didn’t want to scare me any more than I already was, but I can only imagine how much it must have hurt. “And it’s my fault.”

“Bella.” Clara gets up from her seat at the table, coming around to sit next to me. “No, it’s not.”

“If I hadn’t gone to work for him?—”

“That was his choice. He asked you to take the job. And he asked you to stay, even after he knew what had happened to you,” Clara reminds me. “You can’t take responsibility for everything, Bella. Especially things that aren’t actually your fault. Gabriel is an adult. He has a hand in all of these decisions, too. He’s picked this every step of the way. And do you really think it’s because he has some kind of sense of responsibility towards you? Maybe these mafia men are different, but I don’t personally know any men who would do all of this unless they had some pretty strong feelings for the woman involved.”

I wipe away the few tears that have escaped, sniffing them back. “I made the choice to put him in danger, too, though. How could I have thought it was a good idea to go and work for a man with children? I put Cecelia and Danny in danger, all because I wanted an out—I wanted to get away from my father.”

“Did you really think Igor was going to come after you?” Clara shakes her head. “God, I can’t even believe this is a real thing we’re talking about. This entire underworld thing is insane. Like we’re in some kind of movie.”

I shake my head. “No, I didn’t think he would. I didn’t think I mattered that much. I honestly thought he would go after my father, or the don, or any of the other men involved in it. And everyone knows my father doesn’t value me beyond who I could be married off to.” I laugh softly. “I haven’t heard from him since all of this started. He’d be furious if he knew I married Gabriel.”

Clara’s eyebrows rise. “What, a whole estate and villa in Italy isn’t good enough for him?”

I shake my head. “Gabriel works with the mafia, but he’s not part of any of the well-known families. Money aside, I married ‘down.’” I laugh, knowing exactly how it sounds to anyone who isn’t familiar with the way the mafia world works. “My father wanted his social status elevated by my marriage, not just his bank account. Marrying Gabriel did the opposite of that.”

“Well, it’s good that you don’t have to worry about him any longer then.” Clara puts a comforting arm around my waist. “Gabriel has taken care of you. And if he didn’t feel like it was worth it, he wouldn’t have done it.”

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