Page 68 of Pretend Girlfriend

I laid out on the beach chair and listened to the soothing sound of the waves washing against the shore for a while. There was a nice breeze too, which pretty much canceled out the humidity.

Now that I was here, I felt all my worries melting away.

Until my brother Jack called me.

“What are you doing tomorrow night?” he immediately asked.

“Well…”

“I’ll tell you what you’re doing,” he interrupted. “You’re going to the Blackhawks game with your amazing brother, who is amazing because he scored two tickets in the lower bowl. Right behind the penalty box. We’ll be able to taunt the opposing players! Did I mention I’m amazing?”

Groaning, I said, “I can’t go.”

“That’s the wrong answer. The correct answer is: wow, you’re so amazing, Jack, I’ll cancel whatever dumb plans I have and go with you!”

“I’m in Jamaica right now.”

There was a long pause on the line.

“I don’t understand your style of humor. Is the punchline coming?”

“I’m in Jamaica with Landon Cozart.”

Landon looked over from his chair. I waved him off.

My brother gasped. “Oh my God. Did you two hook up? You did, didn’t you? And then he whisked you away to a romantic trip to Jamaica where you’re spending the entire time drinking and boning and drinking?”

“Dude, gross!”

“I didn’t intend for this to happen when I set up this whole fake-girlfriend thing,” Jack said, “but in the back of my mind, I kind of hoped it would. Landon is a catch! He makes great money, he’s good looking, and I’ve been told he has a dick the size of a Pringles can.”

“Stop talking right now and allow me to explain,” I snapped. I looked around to make sure nobody else was around to hear. “Landon and I didn’t hook up. I got drunk at the wedding last night and kind of got invited.”

There was another long pause.

“Why were you at the wedding?” Jack asked.

“Because Landon’s mom liked me so much at the rehearsal dinner that she invited me. And I said yes without really thinking about it.”

Another pause.

“I’m extremely confused right now,” Jack said slowly. “The original deal I made for you was to have dinner with Landon and his family. Like, a week ago. You said his mom invited you to the wedding, but I didn’t think you would go!”

“We’re way past that,” I said. “This whole situation has gotten really out of hand. I quit my job last night, too. Called my boss and told him to suck my dick. It was a whole thing.”

Stretched out on the chair next to me, Landon began chuckling.

“And now you’re in Jamaica,” Jack said. “Like, the island in the Caribbean.”

“That is correct.”

“And you haven’t hooked up with Landon.”

“Also correct.” Up the beach, Chloe and her boyfriend were walking in our direction. “I have to go. One of the other bridesmaids is coming and I don’t want her to hear any of this.”

“Wait, one of the other bridesmaids? Joanna, were you in Bradyn’s wedding?”

“Love you bye,” I quickly said. “Hey, Chloe!”

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