Page 60 of Pretend Girlfriend

He slowly sat up and grinned. “Come to think of it. Yeah. I believe you did.”

“Danicka said it was your idea!”

“Why would I do that?” he asked. Then he sniffed the air. “I need some pancakes.”

He tried standing, but I pushed him back down onto the couch and loomed over him. “No. If I don’t get pancakes, neither do you. Tell me what happened.”

“I won’t tell you what happened,” he said with a silly grin. “I’ll show you.”

He opened a video on his phone and handed it to me.

“Here we are at Marisa and Bradyn’s wedding,” Austin was narrating while recording everyone on the dance floor. “The bride and groom have gone upstairs to make things official, but that hasn’t stopped the party.”

A few girls cheered. It was difficult to hear over the blaring music. The camera weaved through the dancing crowd until I came into view. Austin kept the video on me for a little while as I danced. He even zoomed in while I was bent over, shaking my butt.

“Hey!” I said, showing him the screen. “Creeper.”

“I can neither confirm nor deny that I took that video,” Austin said while gazing in the direction of the dining room. “Believe it or not, that’s the least creepy situation I caught you in last night.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Austin pointed at the phone. “Pay attention.”

On the video, Danicka approached and put an arm around me. Austin walked closer until our conversation could be heard.

“I feel like you’re a member of the family now,” Danicka was saying.

“That’s so sweet of you to say! I feel so welcome,” I replied.

“I think you should come to the honeymoon. Landon already has a room, so we just need to book your flight.”

“I can’t,” I replied drunkenly. “I have a lot of lawyering to do, because I’m a lawyer. You know. The law. It’s very serious.”

Austin finally spoke up on the video: “Now, you were just telling me how much you hate your job.”

“This is true,” I agreed. “I’m not looking forward to going in on Monday.”

“I have an alternative proposal,” Austin said. “Quit your job and go to Jamaica.”

“Yes!” Danicka exclaimed.

Drunk-me twisted her face. “I don’t know…”

“Today is a beautiful day for change,” Austin insisted. “I dare you to quit your job.”

Carol danced her way over to us. “I quit my job this spring. Best decision I ever made. Wish I had done it years ago.”

“My new daughter-in-law’s sister makes a good point!” Danicka said.

Drunk-me tossed her hair. “You know what? Okay! I’m going to do it tomorrow! I’ll call my boss and tell him I’m done!”

“Do it right now!” Danicka insisted. “Before you lose your nerve.”

Carol ran out of view, then returned with my phone. “I think this is yours. The background is the Blackhawks logo.”

Drunk-me snatched the phone from her and tapped sloppily on the screen. “Hi. This is Joanna. Joanna Pullen. It’s Saturday night, and I am completely sound of mind and character.”

Everyone around me laughed, so I covered the phone with my hand. “Shhh! I’m trying to do this!” I held the phone back up to my ear. “Okay, I’m not completely sound of mind. But I don’t care. I quit. I don’t want to work for your stupid ambulance-chasing firm anymore. I’m sick of the junior partners making creepy comments every day. In conclusion your honor: go fuck yourself! Suck my dick!”

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