Page 25 of Pretend Girlfriend

Theo: Excuse me, what?

Me: I’m joking. But that’s part of the story I’m going to tell you. How’s my boy Connor Bedard doing?

Theo: He’s doing fine. I fixed him up yesterday, but we’ll do most of the dental reconstruction in the off-season.

Theo: Oh, that reminds me! He signed his jersey as a thank-you. You can have it if you want.

Me: Are you offering me a signed game-worn Connor Bedard playoff jersey?

Theo: Only if you want it. There’s some blood on it.

Me: My panties just hit the floor at supersonic speed.

Theo: You hockey girls are seriously messed up in the head. I’ll bring the jersey over when I see you in two weeks ;-)

Me: What if you put the jersey on while we’re in bed?

Theo: That’s a funny joke.

Me: I’m as serious as a heart attack right now.

Theo: You hockey girls are something else.

Me: I’ll take that as a compliment. Have a safe trip to Columbus (barf)

I slept well that night, bolstered by dreams of Theo’s skilled tongue between my legs and bloody hockey jerseys and wedding wagyu filets. The week went by quickly at work, even though I was doing boring paperwork for my boss.

I thought everything was great until I got a text from Landon at lunch on Friday:

Landon: I need to change our deal again.

9

Joanna

I was sitting in the conference room at work, eating my lunch surrounded by mounds of paperwork related to a case that was going to court next week. Landon and I had only spoken once that week when he called to give me the details of the wedding.

When I saw his text on Friday, I almost dropped my salad.

Landon: I need to change our deal again.

Me: Whatever it is, my answer is no.

Landon: You need to come to the rehearsal dinner tonight.

Me: Oh, well in that case the answer is an EMPHATIC no. I have plans tonight.

Landon: What plans?

Me: It’s none of your business, but I’m going to watch hockey and eat an entire pint of key lime pie flavored ice cream and a few beers. It’s called Girl Dinner.

Landon: The Blackhawks don’t play until tomorrow night.

Me: The Panthers play tonight. I want to hate-watch Reinhart.

Landon: You have to come to the rehearsal dinner. Mom told everyone you were coming, and now our entire extended family is expecting you.

Me: Even more reason not to go. That sounds awful.

---