Page 108 of Pretend Girlfriend

I started giggling. When Austin asked what was funny, I just shook my head and giggled harder. That caused them to start laughing, too.

“You’re stoned!” Austin said.

“I sure am!” I replied. “So are you.”

“Mmm hmm,” he replied, relaxing back into his chair.

“Remember when we first got baked together?” Bradyn asked Theo.

“Freshman year?” Theo asked.

Bradyn said, “Yep. I came back from a party and you were trying to pour alcohol into the iron for some stupid reason.”

Theo nodded like it was simple. “I was making tequila steam.”

For some reason, this was the funniest thing I’d ever heard. I fell apart into a fit of giggles.

“She’s definitely feeling it,” Theo said.

“You were making tequila steam, and I was worn out from striking out at the party,” Bradyn went on. “You told me you had an ounce of weed, so we covered up the smoke detector in our room with Tupperware.”

“Duct taped the Tupperware right over it,” Theo agreed.

“But we forgot about it, and our dorm RA discovered it the next day. Remember what he told us?”

Theo mimicked a deeper voice. “Don’t tamper with the smoke detectors. Crack a window and blow the smoke outside like everyone else does!”

“That’s when we learned our RA was cool,” Bradyn said. “The rest of the semester was easy after that.”

“You know I heard he ended up becoming a judge?” Theo said. “Crazy times.”

It’s no crazier than you being a dentist, I wanted to say. Somehow, despite my less-than-sober state, I managed to stop myself from blurting it out in front of the others.

Bradyn got up and went to the complimentary liquor bar. “I can’t imagine him as a judge. I still remember him doing keg stands during finals week and passing out naked in the hallway. Anyone want a drink?”

“Yes, please,” Austin said. Wyatt and Peter nodded, but Theo and I shook our heads.

“All-inclusive resorts are great,” Peter said. “This is a nice one, too. They don’t water down their drinks.”

“I don’t know about that,” Austin replied. “I’ve been drinking pretty much non-stop since we got here and haven’t felt a thing.”

“No way,” Bradyn said while handing out glasses of rum and Coke. “If anything, the drinks here are stronger than I expected.”

Austin sipped his and immediately made a noise. “Yeah, now, you see this? This tastes like a real drink. Nothing like what they’ve been serving me.”

I couldn’t keep it in any longer. I started giggling, then tried to stop myself, which only made me laugh even harder. Soon I was doubled over on the couch, tears streaming down my face.

“Did I miss a joke?” Wyatt asked.

“I think she’s just that stoned,” Austin replied.

I pointed at his drink. “That’s the first alcohol you’ve had all week!”

“It most certainly is not,” he replied indignantly.

I nodded emphatically. “It is. It’s the first alcohol that’s touched your lips. I know this because I told the resort manager to make sure you’re only given virgin drinks all week!”

Austin blinked at me, then down at his drink. He took another sip, smacking his lips, and his eyes widened. “Well I’ll be damned.”

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