Page 61 of Sighs By the Sea

George giggles. “No, Dad. But Maggie needs to be teached about Joker. She’s a cop.”

“Taught, and I think she has other bad guys to worry about.”

I squeeze into the frame. “Joker is my number one priority,” I say in my best Batman voice. George giggles again. It’s quickly becoming my favorite noise.

“Daddy, can you go alone?” Grayson furrows his brow and gives me a glance. I nod and get up off the bed. When I’m out of sight, he asks, “What’s going on, bud?”

“Um, can Maggie be my new mom?”

The question catches him so off guard that he stutters. His eyes catch mine, and I see his apology written in them. “Uh, sorry, I just… where is that coming from?”

“Aunty Andy says she’s your girlfriend, and I know that means you like her.”

“Bud, I do like her a lot. But there’s a lot of time before she can… before—”

George must already hear the no in Grayson’s voice because he moves on right away. “Daddy, why do dogs bark?” I know we’re both grateful that he didn’t linger on the request. I hadn’t realized how tense my body was at the question. But hey, we’re dating. We’ve been out once and had sex a few times. Far too soon to be thinking about the mom gig. Worse things could happen to me, that’s for sure. I’d be happy to have the job if we were a year or two into a successful relationship. Right now, it would be a twisted promise to make.

Grayson quickly gives his best explanation of why dogs bark. After a few more random questions, he’s telling his son how much he loves and misses him.

After they hang up, Grayson runs a hand through his hair.

“Aunt Andy has a big mouth,” he finally says.

“I can see that,” I say honestly. Miranda is outspoken. She certainly wouldn’t shy away from labeling my relationship, even to a child. Figures that the one sort of friend I’ve made with a woman in years would be the downfall of the best relationship I’ve had in years. Probably ever.

“But don’t worry. He’ll forget he ever asked now that he thinks I said no.”

“You, uh, didn’t, though,” I say quietly. He lets a half-grin slip before sobering his face. What the hell does that look mean? Is he excited about the idea? Am I? I do want kids someday. My own mom did such a bad job that I’m a little desperate to prove how much better I can do.

And George is so easy. We can just talk and laugh together. Something about the kid, looking so much like Grayson, but finding such joy in his own hobbies. It reminds me of myself as a kid.

Neither of my parents understood my hobbies or interests. They made me feel abnormal for liking comic books and video games. It wasn’t girly enough. Grayson obviously lets George love what he wants, and I can do that too.

“I guess I didn’t. Would you like me to? It’s probably the right thing, since we’re so…new. I’d hate to have him grow attached and you disappear.” We both know why that can’t happen again. George might have been young when Suze left, but it’s obviously left a hole in his life if he’s asking for a replacement.

I bump his shoulder with my own. “Gray, I won’t abandon him. Even if things don’t work out, I’ll be his friend for as long as he wants.”

Grayson shakes his head. “I can’t ask or expect that of you, Maggie.”

“You’re not asking. I’m offering.”

He flops back and lets his head tilt toward the ceiling. “I never thought about him wanting a mom. I mean, I knew he was missing out. But I never thought he knew that.”

I put a hand on his thigh but keep my mouth shut. Knowing that Grayson’s wife and George’s mother is alive is eating at me. If I’m not careful, something will slip out. Besides, it seems as though Grayson needs to vent a little.

“I…” He shakes his head. Some moisture builds in his eyes. I have to swallow hard to keep my own emotions at bay. He suddenly snatches my hand up, cradling it with both of his. The skin is smooth, velvety, but strong. His eyes meet mine. “Maggie, I’ve never felt such a connection before. Not even with Suzannah. I don’t want to speak ill of the dead, but we married so young. I don’t think either of us really got to know the real people.”

“Missing,” I mumble under my breath.

“Yes, missing. I just want you to know how important you are to me and George. If you’re not feeling it too, I really think we should stop here.”

My heart melts. Grayson keeps his emotions so in check usually. Admitting his feelings so bluntly gives me all the feels. Conflicting swirls of guilt and affection churn in my gut.

“Grayson, I don’t want to stop here. I want—” I suddenly jump to my feet and start pacing the room. “I’m all in. For as long as you’ll let me be, anyway.” I sound small and unsure. Confidence is usually my MO, but right now, it’s nowhere to be found. I’m laying it all out, and honestly, preparing to be crushed.

He has an amused expression on his face, but I don’t care. If I don’t admit my feelings now, I might never get the chance. As soon as Grayson learns his wife is alive and trying to kill him, the guy will never trust a woman again. Or worse, what if he forgives her? What if George gets the mom he needs and forgets all about me?

The idea of hurting him is too awful. The way his face would twist into a pale, sad look, his lips tightening as he tries to hold back the emotions, is too much to picture. I can’t do it. There’s no way I can hurt him like that.

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