Page 73 of Born To Be Bad

Don’t get me wrong. I love psilocybin, nudity, baby goats, and yoga, just not all at the same time.

We pass various bars, more pools, and more parties. All looked good enough to join, but Alistair seems to be looking for something—or someone else. Finally, we find it.

I scrunch up my face. “What is it?”

It’s like someone has taken a large shallow inflatable kiddie pool and filled it with transparent slime. Adjacent is an outside shower to hose off.

“You liked the sensual anointing, so I thought you might like to try this. I’ve forgotten the name, but I know it. Body-safe, organic, zero chemicals,” replies Alistair. “It’s made from an Asian seaweed.”

Ew, again.

I lean forward to sniff it, but it doesn’t have a smell. I scoop up a handful. It’s incredibly smooth and slippery, almost like silicone gel, so suddenly it makes sense. It’s basically a giant bath of lube.

“Wow,” I say. “Who would need this much lube?”

“Old ladies with osteoporosis?” he jokes.

The pool of slime isn’t well-lit like the pool or the bars, so not many guests have discovered it yet. Perhaps it’s for later in the evening when people mind less about getting messy.

“It feels amazing when you’re covered in it. Wanna hop in?”

I grimace. “I’m not sure.”

“Let’s get in and I’ll give you a shoulder massage. You can get out at any time.”

“Famous last words,” I reply.

I take off my panties and gingerly dip a toe. “I’m not sure that I like the fact that it’s warm.”

“You’d prefer to be covered in cold slime?”

“No, you’re right,” I deadpan. “Cold slime is not nearly as sexy.”

I did say that Alistair could have me any way he wanted me. What I hadn’t expected is to be marinaded in nori, but I was determined to be open-minded. To avoid the ick-factor, I get in quickly to not draw the experience out, but it’s so damn slippery that I immediately do a half-split, shrieking, then smack right into the center of the jelly, twisting every limb I own. It makes an awful SPLAT! sound.

In the shocked silence that follows, I hear a strange muffled sound, and turn to see Alistair trying to hide his laughter. He’s doubled over, so he’s not doing a very good job. Seeing him like that is contagious, though, and as much as I try to hold it in, I can’t help laughing. I move to a more comfortable position, so that I don’t look like Bambi on the frozen lake, but the more I try to move, the more I slip, and the more I shriek. Alistair can no longer hold it together, and guffaws openly, which only makes me laugh more. We keep inadvertently spurring each other on. Every time I think I’ve recovered, I catch sight of Alistair in hysterics and it sends me into another round of belly laughing. We’re cackling like lunatics and we don’t care.

CHAPTER 41

Goddess of Sex and Magic

ALISTAIR

I can hardly breathe I’m laughing so much. The way long-limbed Ivy is slipping in the slime makes me think of a newborn giraffe. It wouldn’t be that funny but we keep setting each other off and are currently bordering on hysterics.

“Stop laughing!” she howls. “Come save me!”

For some inexplicable reason, we both find that hilarious, and another bout of laughing ensues. I take off my clothes and get in carefully, keeping my body weight low to the ground to avoid becoming a slapstick statistic, then crawl, slipping and sliding, over to Ivy.

“I’m here to rescue you,” I announce, breathless from laughing.

“I should drown you in this,” she replies. “You set a trap, and I fell for it.”

“No, no, no,” I assure her. “Not a trap.”

“Said the spider to the fly.”

I reach out to touch her, but she has other ideas. She pushes me with her foot, and the small shove sends me skating in a circle.

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