Page 101 of Blinded By Hate

I wish it would all stop again.

I took some pills just to quiet my mind down and Brandon started calling me a few minutes after Hayden left but I left it ringing.

I don’t have any more pills either. I ended up taking the last of my dosage which means I’m technically done with them.

As water runs down my chest I suddenly feel strong and familiar arms wrap around me. I can’t help but flinch and turn around quickly, only to see Hayden staring down at me.

“You’re okay. It’s just me,” he says softly as he caresses my hair. I rest my head in his chest and cry.

I cry because I wish things weren’t so hard between Hayden and I. I wish things weren’t always a disaster waiting to happen.

I just wish love was easier.

Hayden and I are quiet as we stand underneath the shower in one another’s embrace, the boiling water pouring on us. I rest my eyes and relax in his arms while hearing his heart.

His heart’s rapidly beating but he appears so calm and collected.

I’m still definitely not used to Hayden's calm and collected composure because he is the type of person to act out and if he’s mad, he’ll show it.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, not knowing what else to say.

Everything he said, broke my heart and made me know for a fact that I can still feel something in there. Because God, when he said those words, there was no way to stop the crying.

I feel bad because Hayden lost so many years and memories with Junior and I’m the reason for that, because I was too scared to get broken again by Hayden Night.

Hayden has no clue what I went through though, so he has no clue how I feel or why I couldn’t have Junior meet him yet.

It’s not because Junior wasn’t ready, it’s because I wasn’t ready, especially to tell Hayden what happened that night but eventually he needs to know.

“I’m so sorry,” I say as I start to cry in his chest again.

Hayden doesn’t say anything. He just places his lips on my forehead and holds me as I cry.

We stay like this for a while, to the point where my whole body feels rough and soggy from the water.

Hayden gets out first and grabs my towel, holding it out for me. I get in the towel and he wraps it around me before putting a towel around his waist.

We both get ready for bed silently, him drying his hair and putting on his briefs and sweatpants. I put my hair in a braid and then put on some shorts and a big t-shirt that happens to be Hayden’s.

When I’m done I walk towards the bed where Hayden is sitting on the edge, almost like he’s waiting for me.

I go to sit on my side of the bed, resting my back against the headboard. Hayden doesn’t turn to look at me, he stays in that same seated position, looking down at the floor.

My eyes go to the crown tattoo on the top of his back.

He always said he wanted to get a tattoo for me but I beat him to it. I never thought he'd actually do it, especially after everything that happened.

“When Eric kidnapped me he put some syringe in my neck and I passed out in the car,” I start saying, and Hayden turns his head slightly. “When I woke up, I was in a dimly lit room. One cot, one sink, and a bucket near the bed. The walls were concrete, same as the floor and there were no windows. Pretty sure I was in a basement.” Hayden now fully turns around and faces me, scooting closer so he can hold my hand. “On the first day, Marco came in, I wasn’t drugged up anymore so I was fully aware of everything that was happening.”

Ten minutes and thirty-seven seconds.

“It was one of the worst moments I’ve ever experienced. Ten minutes and thirty-seven seconds,” I say, a tear falling from my eyes as the moment starts to replay.

Him ripping my shirt.

Me screaming at him to stop.

Me begging and pleading.

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