Page 111 of Blinded By Hate

He takes the phone and furrows his eyebrows at the photo I took of Junior when we were at the aquarium.

“His name is Hayden Junior Night. He is mine and Jaclyn’s kid.”

Freddie’s eyes widen as I expect them to and he looks up at me with a shocked expression. “Really?” I nod my head and take the phone from him.

“Yup. And I didn’t know about him until about four days ago.” I sit on the bench. “I’m pissed off about it. I want to be mad at Jaclyn for keeping him from me and allowing another guy to be a father figure in his life but at the same time I can’t. The whole reason why she couldn’t be with me or see me is because she was scared of me. After everything she went through five years ago, she’s scared of the danger I come with.”

“That’s understandable. I mean I feel for both of you.” Freddie sits down next to me on the bench. “It’s not fair for you to not be able to meet your child but I also understand why she would want to keep her distance. Son, I have no clue what they did in that room so I can’t really say much about her feelings.”

I nod my head lightly. “Yea. I just don't know how to feel. My emotions have been all over the place. Sometimes I want to argue with her and ask why she would keep me from having the family I’ve always wanted and then whenever I actually see her, I want to hold her in my arms and just protect her from everyone, including myself.”

“Did she tell you or did you find out yourself?” Freddie asks.

“I found out when I walked inside the hotel room and heard her talking to him.”

“Tell me about him.”

And I do.

I tell Freddie everything I learned about Junior when we were talking at the aquarium.

Junior’s favorite color is dark blue.

He loves cars which I’m not surprised about since his mother likes cars too.

He loves whenever Jaclyn reads him bedtime stories.

His favorite superhero is Spiderman.

His favorite movie is The Lion King, just like his mother.

Junior loves pasta, especially pasta that has cheese on it.

He has three friends in school. Matt, Josh, and Kyle.

My son has a crush on a girl already even though he is only four years old.

Her name is Scarlett and she has blonde hair. He told me he plans on marrying her and I just laughed at him when he said that.

He likes clownfish although he calls them Marlin because of the fish from Finding Nemo.

Freddie listens with a small smile on his face while I tell him all about Junior. I even have a smile myself that I didn’t even notice while talking about him.

I just love talking about Junior and the fact that I have a son.

Jaclyn and I talked about kids when we were together in college. Our plan wasn’t really to have kids right away. We were going to graduate, I was going to propose, then travel and enjoy life by ourselves before having kids.

“I want 3 girls and one boy. The boy first so that he can protect the girls,” I explain to Jaclyn.

We’re in bed right now as I hold her hand in mine and she is laying on my chest. I’m comparing our hand sizes because her hands are so fucking small compared to mine. I know Jaclyn loves how big my hands are because sometimes when she looks down at them, she’ll blush before looking away.

“I don’t think you can decide which is first, Hay.” Jaclyn looks up at me with a teasing smile.

“Well I happen to be a lucky person so I’m not worried.”

“I won’t be having four kids, Hayden.”

“We’ll see about that. What do you want?”

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