Page 102 of Blinded By Hate

And then the little boy at the end telling me to hold on.

“I-” I shudder, making Hayden scoot closer and wrap his arms around me. He whispers in my ear that I’m okay and that I can stop whenever, but I keep going. “Eric and the others eventually had their shot at me but I wasn’t awake for any of that. They drugged me up so much to the point where I was throwing up every night. But they managed to keep my blood sugar from going too low or high because they wanted to make sure I was still alive and breathing. They wanted to make sure that you could still see me and the damage they inflicted on me.”

Hayden’s arms and whole body tenses against me. I rest my head on his chest, the tears still slowly falling. “And then the scar on my side was from Eric. I was stone cold sober when he did that.”

“Hey, sweetheart.” Eric closes the door behind him and locks it. “Just me and you today. Got my own personal agenda I need to take care of before Marco comes back.”

“He took a knife to my side and carved out the tattoo I got for you. He skinned me because he still saw me as your property and he didn’t like that.”

“No! No! NO! Let me go! Let me go! Please!”

I’m sobbing at this point.

Screaming to the top of my lungs for anyone, anyone to hear me and save me.

I want it all to stop.

Make it all stop.

I laugh through my tears and look at Hayden.

His eyes are so red and full of rage to the point where tears are starting to fall slowly from his lids. “And it’s the fact that it was all because of some fighter who just wanted to be good,” I say as more tears start to fall. Hayden licks the tears that fell onto his lips. “It’s the fact that being with you caused me all that damage. And that’s why I had to leave you Hayden,” I explain. Those ten minutes and thirty-seven seconds weren’t the worst moments of my life. Leaving you was because nothing could hurt more than losing your love.”

I start crying more and Hayden cries with me. He holds my face in his hands and rests his forehead on mine.

We cry together and block the outside world again.

I’ve never seen Hayden cry, ever.

I’ve seen him mad, so mad to the point where he broke a mirror in his room because his family was being rude to him, I’ve seen him mad about Eric to the point where he almost beat him to death, but I’ve never, ever seen him cry.

Even the night I left him, he was close to crying but he didn’t shed a tear.

“I didn’t want to cause you this pain but I had to protect myself because after all that, all I could see was that room when I looked at you Hayden.” I lean away from him and lick the tears from my lips. “I had to leave you so I could heal myself and having Junior did heal me.”

Hayden caresses my hair and puts a strand behind my ear. “I just wish I was there to help you.”

“I know. But I needed to be alone. That’s how I heal.”

Hayden nods his head. “I understand. I know and I shouldn’t have said you didn’t care. I just was hurt not knowing about Junior. I wanted a son and you knew that.”

“I didn’t mean-”

Hayden cuts me off by kissing me.

I still feel guilty.

I still feel like shit knowing I caused Hayden so much pain to the point where he starts crying.

Does he still love me?

After I betrayed him and caused all that chaos?

Does he still want a future with me?

Is this it?

“I want to meet him,” Hayden says after pulling away from me. “I want to get on the plane tomorrow and go to him.”

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