Page 39 of Blinded By Love

It makes sense, it probably distracts him and brings him pleasure like he mentioned to me the other day.

But sometimes with Hayden I can’t help but wonder if he thinks I’m attractive. But then my mind goes back to overthinking and I try to ignore it.

That part of my brain is deadly and dangerous.

It only ever causes me harm.

It brings back my fathers words and all of the mean things he ever said to me.

“Maybe he does like you but just doesn’t want to show it. He seemed to care a lot about you when I came in. Calvin told me that he was at the hospital the entire time. He only went home to change and then he came back with flowers.”

I don’t think about Hayden’s actions too much because from the way he acts towards me directly, it is pretty clear how he feels about me.

“I don’t know and I don’t care. I’m not here for boys.”

“You need a boyfriend, Jaclyn. I want grandchildren.”

I roll my eyes at her playfully. “I don’t want kids. They are loud, expensive, and too much work.”

Calvin walks towards us as we stand in the hallway. “Ready to go?’

“Yes. I got the discharge papers all ready and we should be good to go.”

Calvin looks between us. “So you’re done fighting. I’m assuming?”

My mom and I laugh. “Yes, until something else happens that makes her mad.”

My mom punches my shoulder lightly and then she kisses my cheek, saying, “I love you.”

I don’t say it back, but she knows.

Nineteen

Jaclyn

It’s a week before thanksgiving.

Things have been uneventful since my incident at the hospital.

A day after we got home, my mom left and she said that she will see us in California for Thanksgiving. She left saying she loved me with a kiss on the cheek 'goodbye'. She told me to start answering her calls from now on or else we will have another fight.

I have been catching up on school and the things I have missed. I also have been working a lot more. I managed to finish both of the essays on Hayden before I got admitted to the hospital so I’m happy I don’t have to worry about that.

Because of the accident on Halloween I told Natalia I’m going to take a break from partying which she was super understanding with.

When she and Chris visited me at the hospital, they kept apologizing to me, even now whenever I see them, they still do. I know they feel bad and I told them that they shouldn’t because my diabetes is my responsibility and I don’t expect them to watch me every single second.

They still feel pretty bad though.

I hang out with them at the diner whenever I’m not working or doing homework with the rest of the group.

Hayden is there sometimes. Most of the time we don’t talk to each other. I catch him staring sometimes but he doesn’t really talk to me much. Whenever we do talk to each other, it’s just us throwing insults.

I still kept his flowers though. I don’t know why I did but I put them in a box along with his note. They were really pretty flowers and I wanted to keep them.

Nothing more, nothing less.

“Table 13,” Franky says, ringing the bell and placing an order on the expo line.

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