Page 31 of Blinded By Love

Fourteen

Jaclyn

The library at school is one of the biggest libraries I have ever seen in my life. In California I would never go to libraries or bookstore hopping.

I would always get my books online or at a local bookstore that was always next to where I lived. This library has three stories and looks like such a tourist location even though it’s just the school library.

All of the floors look the same. Computers, places to work and study, endless rows of books, and lots of peace and quiet. There is one librarian desk on each floor and you will always see library assistants walking about the floor, putting books back in their designated spaces.

Currently, I’m trying to find a psychology book based on sadists and psychopaths. I don’t think that Hayden is either of those things but based on what he was telling me the other day, I do know he has qualities of that type of personality.

I haven’t known Hayden for long but I know enough to judge him.

He has a lot of issues, I know that for sure. I am just trying to form an opinion on him for the essay which means I need to ask more questions to learn about his childhood or why he acts the way he acts.

He likes pain, whether experiencing or inflicting it, more so inflicting because he fights a lot and likes how punching feels. He likes seeing people in pain and I assume that he likes that because it distracts him from what's going on in his mind.

It would make sense why he’s sometimes rude with me or is always saying how he wants to hurt me, mentally not physically.

I just need to know what exactly made him like that, for sure his past, but what in his past?

I go on my toes and look at the spines of the books, trying to find the book I’m looking for. It’s one of the textbooks that our professor said we could use for the project.

My eyes roam the different spines until I see, The Devil You Know: Encounters in Forensic Psychiatry. I read the description and a sample after reading over the answers Hayden gave me. It talks about what could lead someone to change their mindset to having such devious tastes and thoughts.

I try to reach for the book but it’s on a high shelf that I can barely touch. As I am about to turn my head to look for a small stepping stool, I feel a warm and familiar chest cover my back. Goosebumps spread across my skin and I regret instantly not wearing a sweatshirt.

I see a familiar hand reach over me at the same time his chest presses against my back. My face gets hot and I turn around and see Hayden pulling his arm down, with the book in his hand. He looks down at the book and a small smirk appears on his lips.

“So you think I’m a psychopath?” Hayden lifts his eyes to meet mine.

I lean against the bookshelf, noticing we are way too close to each other to where I feel his chest almost touching mine.

“Not really a criminal but you have some characteristics that make me assume some things.”

“Like what?” Hayden tilts his head to the side a little, still holding that small smirk on his face.

If he didn’t notice the blush on my face before, he definitely notices it now. “Well, you know, you like pain and inflicting it. You do certain things for a certain reason.” He doesn’t have to know what I’m writing about him. I don’t know why I feel so nervous saying this to him. I just feel weird telling him that I think he isn’t like normal people, that he thinks differently and does things differently. “It doesn’t matter. Let’s just finish up this project so that we don’t have to spend any more time with one another than we have to.”

I walk out from between the shelf and Hayden and go to the table where my stuff is. I sit down in my chair and Hayden sits down directly next to me. He places the book on the table and rests his arms on the table, keeping his eyes on me.

“Have you written any of the essays yet?” Hayden asks.

His behavior today seems good, surprisingly because at the carnival two days ago he seemed stressed out and frustrated. I haven’t seen him since then because I’ve been busy with school and work.

I still can’t get his touch out of my mind.

The past two days have distracted me and I can’t focus on anything other than Hayden. I hate how I want to know more about him and how my mind is always on him.

“I wrote mine already. Yours, I started. I just need to know a few more things to form an idea and then I should be good.” I want to ask him if he wrote any of the essays because I have a feeling he didn’t and he isn’t going to. He told me he doesn’t care about school so why would he do the assignment or try on it? I pull out the paper with the list of questions. We got most of the questions done already, just not the really personal ones, about family, sexual preferences, etc. As I am reading over the questions I have to ask him, I feel a strand of my hair being pushed behind my ear. I look up from the paper and look at Hayden who has his hand near my face. You wouldn’t expect Hayden to have a gentle touch or feel warm but he does. I almost wanted to push my face into his hand so I could rest my head there. “Get your hand off me,” I say before looking back down at the paper, trying to ignore his touch.

Hayden doesn’t say anything, he just continues to stare at me with those intense eyes of his. I look away from the paper and at him before my eyes go to that eyebrow piercing of his. I never thought an eyebrow piercing would look so good on a guy. They never made me so interested and I want to ask him if it hurts but I also know we aren’t friends and he would just glare at me and ignore the question.

“Are you going to the halloween party that Jax is holding?” Hayden asks, removing his hand from my face.

I look away from his eyebrow and meet his eyes. “Yea.” Natalia invited me yesterday and she wanted to find costumes to wear. We ended up finding some last minute options that were better than nothing. “Why are you asking?”

Hayden bites the inside of his cheek before leaning back in his chair. “Don’t worry about it. What questions do you have?”

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