Page 28 of Blinded By Love

Jaclyn gives me a sarcastic laugh and shakes her head lightly. “You have no clue.”

I bite the inside of my cheek.

Someone hurt Jaclyn. Or maybe multiple people did.

It makes me wonder if she plans on keeping Natalia at a distance and if she keeps everyone at a distance with herself. If she thinks everyone is going to leave her it makes me assume she is insecure but it’s not her fault. It's the people that have wronged her in her life.

And I can’t help but want to know more.

“What is your opinion on yourself? No filter, just be blunt. What do you think about yourself?”

Jaclyn swallows and breathes out. She sits up straighter and I can tell she tenses by the way her shoulders contract.

“I think a lot is wrong with me. I feel like I’m not good enough.” Jaclyn looks down at her hands. “I’m not pretty enough, skinny enough, my hair is not long enough. I’m too high maintenance sometimes. I overthink a lot which makes me get in trouble at times because it’s really bad when I overthink. I feel like I’m unlovable or something because whenever I have someone I love they never show me that same kind of love back.”

Hearing that makes me wonder why?

Why would a girl like her with such perfectly imperfect features be that insecure?

Who in the world fucked this girl up?

“I think you’re none of those things. Those opinions are based upon the people around you. You have to surround yourself with people who bring you up and praise you. You need to be complimented and given attention for you to be and feel like a better version of yourself.”

“Have you ever felt like that?” Jaclyn asks and I can tell she is trying to hold in the tears she desperately wants to let loose.

You can tell she wants to cry because of how she is biting her bottom lip that is shaking lightly. Her eyes are glossed over but no tears have fallen yet.

“Everyone feels like that, Jaclyn. You just have to learn that all the good things outweigh the bad eventually.”

Thirteen

Jaclyn

Kids are laughing and college students are messing around while playing games with their friends. Natalia told me that I should come and hangout with her and the rest of the group.

It’s not like I was doing anything other than reading or doing homework. Calvin said I should go out more now that I have friends.

They are holding this carnival to raise money to build a daycare for students who want to be a teacher for kids. I think it's pretty cool. I remember when I was younger I used to want to be a teacher because I thought it would be fun telling people what to do.

Now the thought scares me because I’m scared of children. They are loud, needy, and require too much.

How would I ever be able to take care of a child when I can’t take care of myself?

“Hey little lady.” An arm swings over my shoulder and I look to the side and see Max with a grin on his face, per usual.

“I didn’t know you’d be here.”

Max shrugs. “Natalia and Chris are working on a booth so might as well bother them.”

I noticed that Max is always wanting to bug everyone. He thrives on seeing people laugh around him. Spending time with this group made me learn a lot about them. I also can’t help comparing them to my old friends.

My old friends were negative and they only ever caused drama in my life.

Having Natalia around and the rest of the group feels like good people exist in the world that match your energy.

We walk up to the booth where Chris is watching Natalia play the game they are holding at their booth.

It’s the game where you throw a dart at a balloon and paint splatters on the wall. She is trying really hard to hit the smallest balloon while Chris is crossing his arms over his chest while smiling at her with adoration in his eyes. He looks so in love with her and I can’t help but feel jealous of her again about something she has that I don’t.

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