Page 66 of Rebel Romeo

I literally couldn’t breathe in there. What the hell was wrong with me? Outside in the fresh air wasn’t any better. The sunlight was like thousands of pins piercing my skin. Every noise surrounding me sounded both far away and excruciatingly loud, like I was in a cavernous echo chamber.

And then one voice cut through the noise. Slicing through with its heavenly tone and gentle pitch.

Her voice.

“Holden? Holden, are you okay?”

I shook my head, but I could barely talk still. “Can’t… breathe…”

I fell back against the brick wall, bending at the waist and bracing my elbows to my knees.

“Holden… I think you’re having a panic attack. Open your eyes. Look at me.”

When I opened my eyes, I was met immediately by the sea of Kate’s cerulean eyes. But I still couldn’t breathe. She was drowning me and I couldn’t stop drinking her beauty.

“Lean back,” she said. “Against the wall with a straight spine. Feel the ground beneath your feet. The blades of grass sinking into the dirt with your weight. Let your toes, the bottoms of your feet, your heels melt into the ground. Give the rest of your weight to the bricks. Allow them to absorb your tension. Breathe. In, two, three, four… Hold, two, three, four… Out, two, three, four?—”

“I can’t…” I said. “I can’t do this.”

“You can,” she reassured me. Her eyelids fluttered as she stepped forward. Entering my bubble and pressing against me. Like she was laying on top of me in bed. Only we’re not in bed. We’re leaning against a brick wall. Her cheek pressed to my chest and I worried that the racing thump of my slamming heart was so strong that it would bruise her cheekbone.

The heat that had spiked in my body slithered into my veins. No longer a raging wildfire I can’t control, but a shimmering current of hot lava through my body.

“You can do this,” she said. “Because I’ll do it with you.” She lifted my hand in hers, pressing them together palm to palm like in the scene of the show. The intense energy between us battled each other. Mine, chaotic, frenetic. Hers, calm and intense. But hers was more powerful. Her calmness filled me as she stroked my palm, weaving our fingers together. “Feel the wall take both our weight, Holden. Feel me against you as a bubble lifts us off the ground and takes us somewhere else. A calm, happy place. Where is the bubble taking us, Holden?”

I lowered my cheek, resting it to the top of her head and inhaling her sweet, floral scent. “Anywhere with you. You are my happy place.” The world around us was coming back to me. No longer a jungle of wild white noise. I could hear the birds singing. Feel the long grass tickling my ankles. And feel the rapid rise and fall of Katherine’s chest against mine. Whatever this was she was doing to me, it was working.

At my words, her muscles grew tense beneath me. “You can’t say stuff like that.”

“Why not?” God, she felt good in my arms. So fucking good. How can one girl calm me down so intensely? How can our connection be so fucking strong despite me resisting it every step of the way?

I dragged my nose up her neck, then pulled back to look at the flush crawling up her porcelain skin. Fucking stunning. Flushed and raw. Her eyes bright and intense; chest, wild and heaving. She looked as hungry as I felt inside.

I ran the tip of my nose along her ear, squeezing her tighter to me as her body shivered. Fuck, I wanted to nibble that ear. I wanted to watch her come undone in my arms. She wanted to know my happy place? I was only half truthful… my happy place would be inside of her. And there would be no coming back from that. “Answer me,” I pressed. “Why can’t I say stuff like that?” I licked my lips and she shuddered, the tip of my tongue slightly brushing her ear.

She was quiet for a long moment before saying, “Because I’ll fall in love with you.”

I pulled back to study her, noticing that she hadn’t untangled our hands yet. “Are you trying to scare me off?”

With a long swallow, the svelte line of her throat tightened. “Maybe. Is it working?”

“There was a time it would have,” I admitted.

“But not now?”

I shook my head. “Not now.”

“Why?”

I took a deep breath. “Because I’m such an asshole that even though I know I’ll destroy you, I can’t stay away. I stayed up half the night watching you sleep that night of my party the first week of classes. And now, even after I was horrible to you, you followed me here to make sure I was okay. It’s like whatever piece of me that intuitively knows I’m going to hurt you also wants nothing more than to protect you. And I’m realizing that maybe the only reason I might destroy you is because I’m fighting so hard. The more space I put between us, the more detrimental our impact when we finally come together, right? But if I let go of the battle, maybe we’ll just…”

“...connect?” she whispered.

“Yeah.”

“We just need to keep our heads out of the clouds. Our feet planted on the ground in reality. And we need to communicate. Because we have a whole cast of people who are counting on us to be able to share a stage. No matter what happens to us in real life.”

I groaned. The show. For a second, I forgot about the show. The real reason I’d had the panic attack in the first place. “I don’t know how I can do it, Katherine. My team is counting on me, too. Just like this cast. And I can’t be there for everyone. I can’t be in two places at once.”

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