My body throbs as he takes a step closer to me, each exhale coming out hot and fast. I can’t seem to take a deep breath when he’s this close to me… and he seems to relish in that knowledge.
“Today’s scene is all about the passion, Katherine,” Holden says. “Unbridled lust. But more importantly, it’s not just about the sex between your characters, but the fact that Skyler has let him in emotionally, too. It’s not just sex. It’s intimacy.”
Even Holden’s words as a director are seducing. They simmer my blood more than Nolan’s lips on my skin ever could.
A shiver races down my spine.
Holden’s gaze locks onto mine. “Can you do that? Show me intimacy and not just some cookie-cutter, boring sex scene?”
Truthfully, I’m not sure I can. I haven’t been intimate with a man since Holden. Physically? Sure. Not emotionally. Not true intimacy. I’ve tried—God, I’ve tried. In many desperate attempts to move on, but they never worked.
The only man I’ve loved… the only man I’ve been vulnerable with… was Holden.
And then he shattered me beyond repair.
Instead of pulling away, Holden rocks forward. “I don’t want to have to take drastic measures. But I will if I need to.”
I nod. “The show is priority.”
As always. And that fact hurts more than it should.
He doesn’t disagree. Yanking a hanger off a costume rack, he passes me a bra and panty set, as well as a wrap dress. “This is your costume for this scene. Nolan will have to practice taking the dress off you to get the timing right.”
I gulp, my gaze fixed to the scrap of silk dangling from the hanger. “Will I be in a bodysuit beneath?”
Reading the tag, he says, “Not exactly.”
Grabbing the second hanger that had been beside the bra and panties, he hands it to me as well.
“Dance briefs beneath,” he says. “Well… a dance thong. And a whole lot of pasties and double-sided sticky tape to prevent a, uh, wardrobe mishap.”
My brow arches. “Can’t have Nolan and me pulling a Janet Jackson-Justin Timberlake move, now can we?”
To my surprise, a blush heats Holden’s cheeks. I swallow my smirk, relishing in the thought that the idea of a nip-slip has prodded this reaction from him.
“I want you to start rehearsing in your costume today. The blocking will require you and Nolan… to undress each other. It might take you a little while to get comfortable being half naked on stage.” It didn’t escape me, the way his voice cracked on the word undress.
I huff a laugh. “I’m not an eighteen-year-old virgin anymore, Holden. I can handle flashing my naughty bits on stage when it’s called for.”
Heat ignites in his eyes and they roam down my body for the briefest moment. If I hadn’t been paying such close attention to him, I would have missed it.
With a fisted hand covering his mouth, he clears his throat. “Yeah. Well… go get changed and we’ll start when you’re ready.”
I nod and head to the dressing room in the back when his voice stops me, mid-step. “And Kate… about last night? I’m sorry.”
I slowly turn to face him. “For what?”
“For… everything.”
“Not good enough,” I say, shaking my head.
His expression sours. “Being sorry for all my shit isn’t good enough?”
It’s a copout. A blanket apology rather than listing and owning the multitude of ways he’s hurt me. It means he never has to list them all out and learn about the ones he maybe doesn’t even realize yet. I refuse to give him that satisfaction of accepting something so vague. So equivocal.
“Nope. Ambiguity is not a good look on you, Holden. If you feel like getting more specific with an apology, you know where to find me.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN