Page 181 of The Sidekick

I blink in surprise. It was a long shot to have him do it, much less someone else, so that’s easy to agree to. His shoulders have tensed as he works, keeping his face hidden so I can’t tell what he’s thinking.

“Done,” I say easily. “I still want to try eating by myself, too, though.”

“Done.” His shoulders don’t relax, but he lets out a rough breath as if he expected an argument. “If you hadn’t noticed, I’m a little controlling. I like being that way in and out of the bedroom.”

“Explain, please?” He could mean anything from being dominant to being abusive. I want clarification ASAP.

“I mean I want you to obey me… all the time.”

“Even if I don’t want to? Or I’m scared?” I ask nervously.

“I’ll never ask you to do something I don’t think you can handle. But you have a say too. I don’t want a slave so much as I want you to submit because I need it, and so do you. If there’s ever a time that you want to back out of something, we can think up a safeword for each of us. You can call a halt to things, and that will be the end of it. I have the same right.”

“Ok.” This conversation isn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I don’t feel as embarrassed with him not watching me too.

“Ok. The next one is going to be hard, angel, but bear with me.”

I spoke too soon, dang it. I straighten in my seat, preparing myself for the worst.

“No more running when we have a fight.”

“No,” I say flatly, instantly withdrawing.

“Hear me out,” the stove clicks off and he turns to me with a frown.

My shoulders are tense as I twist my hands in my lap. As soon as he started to face me, my eyes dropped to the floor.

“I know it’s your defense and I don’t want to take that away from you. If you have to leave, just go into another room, and take a minute. Or yell at me, anything but what happened last night. Do you even remember that you almost got hit by a car, angel?”

I feel ashamed of my reaction and how stupidly I behaved, but I’m also angry with him for pointing things out I’d rather not focus on. I keep my mouth clamped shut.

“I’m going to remember that for a long fucking time,” his voice shakes. My shoulders bow in at the fear drenching the words. “I never want that to happen again. So I’m making a rule, but I want it to be something we can both live with, even if we have to work at it.”

I don’t know what to say. A part of me feels like he’s trying to take away any escape I might have and I don’t like that at all. What if I need to get away? What if he says something he can’t take back and I can’t walk away because I promised not to?

Asher crouches down in front of me to look me in the eyes. “I need you safe. That’s all this boils down to. Last night was not safe. I’ll always follow you, angel, no matter where you go.”

The words by themselves are frightening with their intensity, but it relaxes me a bit. Tears well up, and he frowns in concern. “Because you jumped.”

“Yeah, I did,” he admits in a raw voice. I nod quickly, twisting my face away to wipe my eyes.

“What about just standing outside? Or calling someone to pick me up?”

He stands to pace and rubs the back of his neck. “How will I know you’re safe? Would you tell me where you were going?”

“I don’t know,” I say helplessly. “I just autopilot to get away from everything sometimes.”

He twists to face me with determination. “Then we work on it. Together. You’re not alone anymore. You don’t have to face demons every day because that’s what I’m here for.”

“You’re more than that,” I protest softly.

He looks lost at that statement, unsure of what to say next.

“If I start going numb, I’ll say my safeword.” It’s the best I can offer him. I can’t promise something I might not be able to follow through on.

“You go numb before you run?”

“Most of the time. Sometimes it’s because I’m sad and I don’t want anyone to see.” I feel a sharp pain at admitting it to him and my eyes drop.

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