Page 173 of The Sidekick

Everything feels off. Like my world got rearranged without my notice and I’m trying to get my balance back. I’m not angry anymore, but I have something pent up inside me without an outlet.

“Are you ok?” Asher asks as he watches me find things to straighten up or throw away.

“Yes? I think so. I’m kind of… weird right now. It’s not a feeling I can describe.”

I brush my hair out of my face, frustrated that I need to communicate and I can’t. I sit down on the couch and cross my legs as I stare at the TV now that the small amount of mess is now straightened. He didn’t put his shirt on before he went outside. I fold it absently to hold it in my lap.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter,” the set-in-stone tone comes back with a vengeance as he sits next to me and wraps me up in his arms like I’m the one who needs comforting. “Don’t ignore your own feelings over mine. Nobody is worse off than anyone else here, and you matter. Your feelings matter.”

Nice, funny, and a survivor. I don’t think I’m equipped to handle all of that. I’m supposed to be with a book nerd or something. That’s more my speed. An easy, placid, normal life. I lost that with all of Andi’s troubles and I’d like it back. I want to stop being reminded that life is a lot darker than I want it to be.

I sigh heavily as he presses his forehead to my temple. “Talk to me. Tell me something I don’t know about you. Anything.”

That’s a fair ask. He just shared something he wasn’t ready for, and I made him do it on the sidewalk! Oh my gosh.

“You’re the first person to give me an orgasm. I’ve only ever gotten one from a toy before.” Wow, I went there. Why was that the first thing to come out of my mouth? Whyyyyyyy?

“Excuse me?” He says in surprise. His body stills as he absorbs the news.

Yeah, I wouldn’t know how to react to that either. It’s not life-altering or even a funny story. I’m so lame.

I shrug and mumble out, “I just thought sex wasn’t for me or something. I’m obviously doing it wrong with another person if I can do it with toys. I don’t know, it’s whatever.”

His voice trembles suspiciously as he says, “It’s whatever?”

“Yeah. Thanks for that, by the way,” I pat him on the leg. “It was great the whole time. How did you do that?”

Suddenly he’s laughing. His arms are tighter around me than before as he rocks, tears flowing out as he tries to catch his breath.

“Is laughing a sign that I’ll never know your secrets?” I tease lightly with a twitch of my lips.

It starts all over again. He starts gasping at one point because he can’t breathe properly. I can’t escape his hold to pat his back and help, either.

“Fuck,” he sucks in a lung full of air without my assistance. “I’m sorry, I just wasn’t expecting that.”

I nod in understanding. “I don’t even expect what comes out of my mouth sometimes, and it’s my mouth.”

He pulls me until we’re lying back on the couch.

“There’s a perfectly good bed in there if you want to lie down,” I remind him with a tiny smile.

“I’m lazy,” he chuckles and positions me until we’re lying face to face so I can see the crinkles starting at the corners of his eyes. I wonder why I’m always the one pressed into the cushions in the back. Maybe I want to hang off the edge sometimes too.

“Tell me something else,” he urges.

“There are four apartments on this side of the complex. Each one has two bedrooms, I think. And there are twenty cars out there. That’s five people in one apartment each, including this one. How weird is that?” I have no idea why I feel like this is an appropriate conversation starter.

His grin gets wider and the last bit of tension washes out of him, “Tell me something else about you.”

“I’ve been arrested for the dumbest reason alive.” I make a disgusted face as the words fall out of me. I groan, already regretting telling him.

“I never got caught. What did you do?” He sounds excited to know. My eyes widen at the knowledge that Asher has done things he might regret too. Another puzzle piece that aligns perfectly with mine.

He’s going to be really disappointed. I’m not an accomplished jewel thief or anything. I’m sure he would be just fine at it. I better just get it out, or he’ll start thinking it’s epic.

“I stole a rich guy’s stationary off his desk at home on a dare. I turned myself in.”

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