Page 132 of Love in the Wild

“This is all my fault, Hadley.”

There was a finality in his voice she didn’t like, and it fueled her determination. “Stop that. You’re not responsible.”

“He wanted to get back at me. He was after me,” Gage said, poking his finger at his chest.

“No, he was messed-up and full of hate. He made a decision that cost him his life. You did what you had to do.”

Gage shook his head and tucked his chin. “So I guess you heard.”

“I did. I haven’t really had a chance to process it yet, but I know one thing. What happened today doesn’t define you. You were in an impossible situation, and you did what you had to do.”

Gage rubbed the pad of his thumb over her hand. “I don’t regret it. I would have done it ten times over to protect you. It’s just that I’m still learning how to be this different person who is worthy of you, and I feel like I messed it up. You won’t look at me the same way. I know it.”

“You’re wrong.”

“I’m not. I haven’t been a Christian long, but even I know murder is wrong.”

Hadley shook her head. “Self-defense is a sad reality. I hate that you had to do that. It doesn’t change the way God feels about you either. He knows your heart. I can see your remorse. Gage, that’s huge. That’s what makes you different from a murderer.”

“Don’t justify it,” Gage said.

He was pulling away. She could feel it in the tension in his hand.

“This is love, not war. I know they feel the same, but you’re fighting for something bigger and better than ever before. The Lord doesn’t leave you when things get tough. I’ll be right here beside you through everything. If you need someone to talk to, I’m here. If you need someone else to talk to, I’ll support that too. Just know that you’re never alone.”

Gage pulled up a chair and sat beside Hadley. His shoulders rose and fell as he stared at their linked hands.

Please believe me. Please believe me. She couldn’t stand to see him broken and hopeless like this.

When he looked up at her, there was a new clarity in his eyes. “I think we need to pray.”

Yes. A thousand times yes. “I think so too.”

“I’ve seen more in the last few months than I have in my entire life. I’ve seen things I wouldn’t have believed before, and I’m convinced prayer works. Mr. Chambers said it doesn’t mean I’ll get my way, but I don’t know what my way is right now. I guess that means I need to hand it over to God.”

Hadley pressed her lips together and inhaled a deep breath. It had taken her a while to realize that truth, and that peace was still fresh in her mind. She couldn’t save Gage, but everything would be okay if he continued to put his life in the Lord’s hands.

“You’re right.”

Gage bowed his head, resting his forehead against their clasped hands. “Lord, I don’t know anything about feelings, but I’m confused. And scared. I’ve been trying and failing for a while, and I just don’t want to give up. I don’t want You to give up on me. I don’t deserve any second chance or the thousands of others You’ve given me, but I’m grateful You saved Hadley today. She’s changing me and showing me how to love. I’m not perfect, but I’m trying. I…I don’t know how to ask You to forgive me, but that’s what I’m doing.”

Hadley squeezed his hand. This was a man she’d gladly stand beside through thick and thin. They couldn’t do it on their own, but hope surged in her chest. As long as they put God first, everything else would fall into place.

39

GAGE

Gage checked both sides of the tractor as he slowly drove it beneath the shade of the pole barn. Mr. Benson stood next to another tractor with his elbow propped on the side. A toolbox was open beside him as he waved Gage over.

After parking the tractor and shutting it off, Gage climbed off and headed over to help Mr. Benson. “What’s up?”

Mr. Benson waved him off. “Oh not much. I think I have this fixed up. Actually, I want to talk to you about something.”

Gage’s jaw tightened. It was an instinct from his old life that still reared its ugly head every once in a while. “Is everything okay?”

Mr. Benson wiped his brow with his arm. His cowboy hat hung from a hook on the wall nearby. “I guess it is. First, I want to ask how you’re doing.”

Gage took a second to take stock before answering. It had been a few weeks since Rome took Hadley. She was finally starting to get around on her own without wincing in pain. The season was open at Wolf Creek, and she insisted on working every minute she felt able. The ranch was gearing up for its biggest year yet.

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