Page 59 of The Bridges I've Burned

“Did he hurt you?”

“No.” I shook my head. “Not physically at least. But he made sure I knew it was my fault that you’d left. Said I was too needy and you just couldn’t wait to get away.”

“That’s not…” He let out a sigh. “He just said that because he was pissed that I was no longer there to provide him with a steady flow of cash. He hated the fact that I could hold down a job, unlike him, but it never kept him from stealing my earnings.”

“It…” I swallowed. “It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past.”

“That might be so, but it doesn’t change the fact that I did abandon you. I left you with a monster masquerading as our father, and for that, I’m sorry. I’ve waited a long time to tell you that.” His gaze didn’t meet mine. “I could have waited a few years before enlisting, but at the time, a few years seemed like?—”

“An eternity.”

Every day in that house had felt like a lifetime in hell.

“He eventually stopped coming home,” I told him. It was funny. Sometimes, those days felt like they were only yesterday, like the pain of his words was still so raw and real that I could barely breathe. And then there were moments when he felt so far in the past that I wondered if any of it was actually real.

But that was what the memories were for, I guessed. A reminder.

A warning.

“That was a nice change of pace,” I went on. “I had no idea where he went, and at the time, I was so relieved to be free of him that I didn’t care. I thought I’d be fine without him, but when the lights went out two weeks later and there was no food in the house, I really started to panic.”

My brother’s face looked haunted. “What about the money I sent?”

My eyes shot up to his. “What money?”

We stared at each other for a heartbeat. Then another.

Finally, he cursed, “Motherfucker.” He shook his head. “I sent money in every letter I sent you, Zander. I should have known.”

No, I should have known.

I should have known that my brother wouldn’t have left me completely stranded.

“It’s okay. I got a job. The Sutherlands hired me to work on the docks. That was a good day,” I told him, my voice thick with emotion.

Mrs. Sutherland was a lifesaver. Literally. Another week, and I wasn’t sure what I would have done. I wasn’t sure if she had seen the desperation in my eyes or heard the hunger in my belly, but she had given me a job and always happened to have “extra” food when I was around.

“It was enough until he came back. And when he did, I started stashing every penny I’d earned so I could leave.”

“Was LA always your end goal?” he asked.

I shrugged. “I’m not sure that I had one, honestly. I just wanted to get as far away from him as I could, and LA was about as far as I could go without hopping on a plane.”

Every city I’d ended up in never felt right until LA. I’d settle in for a bit, find a job, and after a few months, I’d get that itch to pick up and leave again. When I finally got to the West Coast, I just knew. Maybe it really was the distance, or perhaps it was just where I was supposed to be. Either way, it had become home.

“So, are you staying for a while? Or did you forget a phone charger or something?” he asked as he nonchalantly took a sip of his coffee.

“Oh, definitely the phone charger. Drove all the way back from the airport for it. Those fuckers are irreplaceable.”

He rolled his eyes. “Asshole.”

“I’ve got some time between gigs. I want to stay for a few weeks and go to your wedding, if that’s all right? I’m not saying it will fix everything, but I’d like to try. I’m sick of being so damn angry.”

He was silent for a moment before he bobbed his head up and down. “Okay, but I have one condition.”

“Sure,” I answered. “Anything.”

A grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Be my best man?”

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