Page 89 of Noah

Everyone rose as the judge did. Once he was out of the courtroom, I collected my papers and put everything into my briefcase. I turned to face the back of the courtroom.

Noah was gone.

It felt strange to be in a restaurant other than Noah's pub, but I couldn't go back there. I needed to cut Noah right out of my life. We were early enough into the relationship that Noah's love for me would fade with less pain than if we had stayed together and I inevitably let him down.

I scanned through the menu even though I wasn't hungry. My brother, Charlie, had phoned me at work today, suggesting we meet for dinner. I'd agreed because I needed to find a new place.

I tensed and turned when someone patted me on the shoulder.

"Hey, Brody." Charlie walked past me and took a seat across the table.

I nodded at him. His expression registered as concerned. Mom must have spoken to him about what happened between me and Noah. That's why he'd invited me out for dinner. It had been over a week since Noah told me he was in love with me. Nine and a half days to be exact.

"I don't want to talk about it," I said and took a long sip of my ice water.

"Come on, Brody. You know I'm not going to judge. What happened?"

I flipped open the drink menu.

"Brody."

I glared at my brother.

"Brody."

I balled my hands into fists on the table. "He's too good for me … that's it. All right?"

"Bullshit. No one is too good for my little brother."

The server intruded, asking for our drink orders. I was switching my drink to whiskey. My days of gin and tonic were behind me. They reminded me too much of Noah.

"It's over with Noah. Please leave it at that."

"Mom says you're in love with him."

"I am but I can't. I can't love him. Not like I should."

Charlie's eyebrows dipped. "Where on earth is that coming from?"

I sighed. "Ricky came to see me."

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Brody. Don't be listening to that little shit."

"I was cold to Ricky. I tried not to be … but he's right, I was."

"Noah is not Ricky. Are you cold with Noah?"

I shook my head. "I don't think so. It feels different with him."

"You love him more than you ever loved Ricky."

Charlie was right. My love for Noah eclipsed any love I'd thought I felt for Ricky. Knowing how my heart felt now, I wasn't sure I had ever loved Ricky. Not really.

Pretty sure, he hadn't loved me either. What we had was convenient. His little display the other day had been just that—a display. That's the look I'd seen on his face. I realized now that what Ricky had been showing me was insincerity. He'd never loved me. I hadn't hurt him.

Charlie's question. Did I love Noah more?

I nodded. "So much more. With my entire heart."

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