Page 44 of Noah

"Read the rest."

"Okay." Jamal's gaze scanned the card. "What the body might be doing. Hands that tremble. Arms crossing the stomach. Increased swallowing." He looked up at me. "Your mom made these?"

I nodded. "Keep reading."

Jamal cleared his throat. "Questions to ask. Are you all right? Is there anything I can do to help? Do you need me to call someone?" He set the cards down. "These are amazing."

"They helped me a lot when I was Kyle's age. I'm on the autism spectrum."

Jamal nodded like he knew already. That made my gut tumble a little. Usually, when I was in my professional capacity, my masking was almost seamless. I must have given it away when I couldn't speak after Noah touched me in Jamal's office the weekend before last.

"You think Kyle will benefit?"

"Noah told me that Kyle speaks sometimes. It's possible he won't remain non-verbal. He just needs some help knowing what to say. I explained to Noah that there was so much noise in my head as a kid … still is, to be honest, but I'm able to think past it now."

"These cards would only be one small step."

"That's why I'd like permission to sit with him too."

Jamal peaked his fingers as he considered, a slight dip in his eyebrows. He was concerned. And rightly so. I wasn't an autism specialist. I only knew stuff from my own experience. I might be no help to Kyle at all. But I wanted to try. We were kindred.

"You'll need to sign a waiver," Jamal said at last.

"I figured. I have no problem with that."

Jamal pulled open a drawer at the side of his desk and rooted around inside it. He produced a document and handed it to me along with a pen. "Normally, we would ask for a police record check before you interact with any of the kids. And I will want one from you. You can give the cards to Kyle today and explain them to him. But that'll be the extent of it until I have that record check. And I'll need to be in the room with you, but I'll stay out of the way."

I was glad that Jamal was so cautious with the kids. The organization was well run. I liked to see that. LGBTQ youth deserved the very best. They didn't always get it from home. I'd been lucky. During my second year of university, I decided to officially come out to my mom. It seemed to be what people did. Come out. It had felt strange and awkward because I was certain my mom already knew I liked guys. I'd done it to feel like I fitted in with other queer people.

My mom, of course, knew. She'd hugged me and told me she loved me. Not all kids' experiences were as positive as that. Some ended up being thrown onto the streets. I suspected some of the kids here at this centre were in that situation. It made my heart ache to think about it.

I read through the waiver and signed it. It was a standard form. No surprises. I felt comfortable putting my signature on it and promising to commit the time.

Jamal reached across the desk. "Welcome to the Rainbow LGBTQ Youth Centre volunteer program." I took his hand and shook it. This was monumental. I'd never volunteered anywhere before. He rolled out from behind his desk. "Kyle is in the library."

As reported, Kyle was sitting on the floor near the corner of the room, knees tucked up near his chest, a book resting on them. His gaze flitted away from the page for a brief second.

"Do you mind if I sit?" I asked him.

He shook his head; the size of it was made larger by the headphones he was wearing. I'd guessed they were only being used to block out some of the noise in the centre.

He could still hear me.

"Do you remember me?"

Kyle nodded.

"My name is Brody. I used to have a pair of headphones like that."

No reaction except for him flipping a page. I looked at the text on the page he was reading. The AIDS epidemic of the 80s. Kyle didn't mind delving into the serious stuff in our history.

"I had an uncle who died of AIDS."

Kyle turned and looked at me.

"He was really young. In his 20s." I sighed. It's why my dad thought his prejudice was valid. He'd lost his brother because he was gay. Or at least that's the way he looked at it. No amount of debating with him had made any progress. "His family disowned him when he got sick."

"Bastards," Kyle practically hissed.

---