Page 34 of Noah

I wanted to know everything. Not just for Brody, but for Kyle.

I clicked on what looked like a reputable website.

'A developmental disability caused by differences in the brain.'

What the fuck? Neither Brody nor Kyle was disabled. They were just different. I checked my anger at the door and kept on reading. 'People with ASD may also have different ways of learning, moving, and paying attention.' Brody had covered some of that.

I wrote what he'd told me in my notebook and then scanned the website further. 'Symptoms.' I focused on the ones I had noticed in Brody. He'd told me everyone was different. 'Avoids or does not keep eye contact.' Brody had that one in spades when we first met.

'Does not show facial expressions.' Brody hadn't at first but now he was smiling at me. And looking deep into my eyes. Maybe it was a matter of trust.

All the rest of the list referred to infants and toddlers.

Not helpful.

I typed a new set of words into the search engine. ASD in adults.

Two things caught my eye. 'They may experience challenges with social interactions, get fixated on routines, or experience sensitives to light and sound.' And 'Some autistic adults experience high intelligence, strong memory, an ability to think “outside the box,” and strong knowledge in particular areas. Other traits canincludebeing observant, resilient, and having a strong sense of fairness and justice.' I wrote both of those in my notebook. The last sentence explained why Brody might have gone into the legal field for his career.

I scanned down the page. 'What is an autistic meltdown?' That sounded important. 'Autistic people may have difficulty regulating their emotions. They may experience times of high levels of anxiety or distress in a particular situation or environment.'

I'd have to watch for that in both Brody and Kyle. Not sure if my support would be welcome if any of that happened but I'd certainly try to be there for them.

I clicked on a link about masking.

'Suppressing stimming: This can include hiding repetitive behaviours.' I'd seen Brody start to rub his thumb and forefinger together and then catch himself and stop.

'Mimicking neurotypical behaviour: Imitating the social interaction, gestures, and expressions of neurotypical people.' It felt strange knowing he might be doing this around me.

'Scripting conversations: Preparing and rehearsing dialogues or responses for social interactions.' I thought back to the first night we had spoken over pie. It had felt as though Brody was reading from a script. I'd just thought he was an odd guy. Now, it made sense.

Our conversations recently hadn't felt scripted. Brody was opening up to me.

Or was he?

He was certainly talking about some personal stuff. That couldn't be pulled from a rolodex of speaking points. I hated that Brody had to put so much thought into everyday interactions.

It must be exhausting. That's why he needed his weekends to decompress. I hoped our hike tomorrow would achieve the same level of relaxation. He would've turned me down if not.

I made some more notes and set my notebook on the bedside table.

Do I want to take this on?

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and pictured Brody in my mind. Replayed some of our conversations. Remembered the look in his eyes as he immersed himself in me.

His tentative touch and his desire for that connection.

He was so worth it. Sure, he had quirks, but didn't we all? One thing I knew for sure was that what we were building was real. So incredibly special.

Back to my thought from earlier in the day.

I was sunk.

Chapter Eight | Brody

I arrived at work, feeling as though I was floating. I'd had the feeling last night when I returned from the pub. It had lasted throughout my sleep and been with me as I had breakfast. Noah and I had spent the couple of hours I was at the pub last night catching every chance to talk and touch that we could, Noah sharing how amazing the view was from the top of Mount Douglas.

I wasn't sure if it was excitement or nerves. I'd never had a date mean this much to me. Finding out Noah volunteered at the Rainbow LGBTQ Youth Centre had made him even more attractive. As well as understanding, he was kind and caring. Everything I'd ever wanted in a man.

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