Page 17 of Ethan

When I went to university, I learned to create simple programs using DOS. That wasn't even a thing anymore and I was so glad about that. I hated those courses.

My love was for numbers. They made sense. Balancing someone's books was satisfying in a way that was absent in the everyday events of living.

Nothing felt that definite.

Except for what I was feeling for Ethan. From the first day I met him, the sky had been slowly cracking open. Now even in the daylight, I could see the brilliance of millions of stars.

Ethan's smile caused every damned one of them to sparkle bright for me.

Even still, I was in flip-flop mode. I yearned desperately for him, but I had my family to consider. Ethan was only a few years older than my kids. That was going to be an issue.

Saturday in the coffee shop with Ethan had me imagining what it might be like if I was brave, throwing caution aside and asking him if he was feeling what I was. His eyes and his expression of enjoyment in our conversations made me believe I was on to something. He made me feel hopeful that he wanted to advance, to take our conversations deeper. To look at me differently.

A light tapping on my door disrupted my thoughts of him.

Frank, another corporate accountant, popped his head in.

"Want to take a break for lunch with me?"

"Where were you thinking?"

"Just the diner down the road."

I looked at the time on my phone. I could break for an hour. The work would still be here when I got back. I could stay late if I needed to. Plus, I needed to eat.

"Sure. Give me five minutes. I'll meet you in the front lobby."

"Perfect." Frank shut the door. I finished up the stack of invoices I was checking the coding on and logged out of the accounting software.

Frank was waiting for me downstairs. As we walked, we talked about our day. My colleague had become a good friend over the fourteen years I'd known him. My wife and I used to meet him and his wife for dinner often. Now, since my divorce, that aspect of our friendship had fallen by the wayside. I'd felt like a third wheel when we tried to continue our dinners. I hadn't dated since Delores and I went our separate ways. I hadn't even gone the route of one-night stands.

I'd been living the life of a monk.

The absence of sexual encounters for too many years was another thing that frightened me when it came to Ethan. One, it had been a long time. Two, I'd never even kissed a man.

But I was getting ahead of myself. I hadn't even established that Ethan was interested in me. Going from zero to sex with him was a stretch I had no right to take. Not that I hadn't imagined it in the months since I'd seen him last. There were nights when he infiltrated my dreams. His body in my bed, sighing and moaning, his hips undulating, his hole hungry for my cock.

He'd cling to me. His arms around my neck, his legs around my waist as I plunged into him, making him come apart and cover his abs in his cum. I'd lick every inch of him clean.

We slid into a booth at the diner.

"You seem distracted," Frank said.

"Yeah." I shook my head to clear the lurid scenario. My cock ached as I pulled myself out of my imagination. "I met someone. I'm not sure if I want to proceed."

"When did you meet?"

I sighed. "Gosh, like seven months ago. Haven't seen them in six. Gathered up my courage and went to see them yesterday at their place of work."

"How did that go?"

"Really well … until I guffed it at the end."

"What did you say?"

"That I'd have to check my schedule to see if I could visit them again."

"Ugh. Daniel. She probably thought you decided you weren't interested after all."

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