Page 96 of Ethan

I turned to face him and placed my fingers on his lips before he kissed me.

"It's too soon, Carlos." I smiled at him. "I appreciate your sacrifice to make me feel better … but it's too soon. I'll need some time before I'm back on the playing field."

Carlos pouted at me. "I'll be waiting for you." He swept past me and began flipping through the pages of the book he had picked for me. He stopped on a photo of me.

On my stomach on the bed, my leg bent, my ass angled up.

"Oh, wow, Carlos." I brushed my fingers over it. "This is stunning."

"It's my favourite out of the entire series."

I turned the page. One after another. Men on the chaise lounge. Posing on the stool. Men on the same bed as my photo. I wondered how many of the men Carlos had fucked.

Carlos read my mind.

"None of them were as special as you." He closed the book and handed it to me. "Display it for your friends. Use it as a paperweight. Your choice. But know you helped inspire it."

"It'll be displayed." I held the book to my chest. "Thank you." I looked over my shoulder at the canvas. It was going to look good over my bed. A bed I'd shared with Daniel many times.

A bed where he'd stayed with me for days when I needed him most.

Why?

Why had it gone so wrong?

The entire drive home, I felt as though my heart was entering a new level of heartache. I hadn't wanted to have Carlos fuck me because I was in love with Daniel.

Still.

I didn't think I'd ever be able to stop.

Not sure I wanted to.

Chapter Eighteen | Daniel

Even the serenity of the forest didn't soothe me. There was a burn ban in effect, so I was sitting in the dark of my campsite staring at the pin prick array of stars.

Thinking about Ethan.

I looked down at the crossword puzzle I'd been working on by the light of a propane lantern. I wasn't getting very far with it—wearing down my eraser. The last time I'd done one, Ethan had been with me. We'd worked on it together. We'd made a good crossword team.

I'd had dinner and the dishes were done. Memories of Ethan and me out here plagued me. Everywhere I turned, I saw him. Especially inside the camper. He was on every surface.

I'd taken him on every surface. The banquet seating, the kitchen table … counters, against the fridge. In the shower and on the bathroom floor. I wasn't sure if I'd get any sleep in the bed.

Even though I'd changed the bedding, I swear I could smell him in there.

My breath hitched as the latest bout of tears poured down my face.

I'd never been in love like this. Even my love for Delores hadn't been this strong and she was the mother of my children. We'd had a lifetime together.

No matter how hard I tried, my heart wouldn't let Ethan go.

I couldn't live without him. He held every breath I took, every beat of my heart. My blood only coursed through my veins for him. He'd left me living in a dry shell of myself.

I'd sat with how angry Ethan was at me for suggesting an open relationship and let the offence he felt sink into my bones. I'd grossly misjudged him, which made me wonder how well I knew him. In his mind, we'd been building a loving, monogamous relationship.

A commitment strictly to one another.

---