Page 92 of Ethan

"Have you told him you love him?" Derek asked.

I shook my head. "I don't know if he even wants to be with me anymore."

"Not to argue with you, Michael, but Dad might not want to sit on that … his love for him."

Too complicated.

I didn't want to pressure Ethan by bringing love into the picture. Whatever he was struggling with, I needed to leave him to it. I needed to trust him to weigh everything in his heart.

Chapter Seventeen | Ethan

What the hell was Daniel thinking, asking me something like that? Over the phone. To sway my hesitance to continue with him. An open relationship? He had no idea how I felt about him.

Because you haven't told him.

If I committed myself to him, I'd have no interest in even looking at other men. My devotion to him would be absolute. It was offensive to me that he thought I needed outside sex.

In all the conversations we'd had, had he not sensed that about me?

Fuck.

It was past 9 pm but I wasn't settling.

Me: I need you.

Owen: What's up?

Me: Daniel. I'm not sure anymore.

Owen: I'll be right there.

I went to the kitchen and made a pot of Victoria Grey tea. Owen arrived as it finished steeping. We stood in silence, hip to hip as we clinked away, stirring milk into our cups.

We curled up on the couch next to each other, sipping.

Owen would wait for me to start.

"What you guys said hit home," I said finally. "Eva too. She pointed out that at some point in our relationship, the age difference is going to feel vast. I don't want Daniel to feel guilty."

"You're more worried about his feelings."

"Of course. I love him, Owen."

Owen played with his cup, spinning it around in his hands. "I know what we said, but we don't honestly know how your relationship would unfold over time."

I sighed. "But the risk is there. I don't know if I can do that to him."

"Is it your decision? Why do you get to decide for him? You should decide based on how you feel about him and let him be in charge of his own emotions."

"You've changed your tune."

"I've given it more thought. If I found someone I loved, I'd fight for him no matter what."

I looked down at my cup. Tears welled in my eyes. "There's more, though. A deal breaker."

"What?"

"He asked if I would be interested in an open relationship?'

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