Page 80 of Ethan

He'd opened himself to me.

He trusted me.

I needed to do the same. "Can I tell you about something? Something personal."

Ethan touched my lips. "Always."

"My ex-wife and kids don't even know."

He angled his head back. "Are you sure you want to tell me?"

"You've been so brave the last few days, I'm in awe of you. You've trusted me with the inner emotional workings of your mind. I need to share something with you to let you know how committed I am to us. I'm willing to share my secrets with you. You're that important to me."

Every bit of doubt I'd had last week had evaporated. Ethan had chosen me not Carlos. He'd had an erection in the photos. He'd denied the needs of his body out of commitment to me.

And now, his beautiful brown eyes … they held hints of an opening heart.

It wasn't about the needs of his body. He wanted me—all of me.

"You've already proven that," Ethan said.

I shook my head. "No, I need to let you in. To allow you to see what shaped me."

"I'm listening."

I steeled myself. "I had a hard childhood. Harder than I realized at the time. I thought my homelife was normal. That every kid went through what I did."

Ethan placed his hand on my chest. It soothed me.

"My dad was an alcoholic. A mean one." I stared into Ethan's eyes. "I don't remember a time in my young life when he wasn't beating me and my mom."

Ethan's eyes went wide. "Jeezus, Daniel."

"Didn't matter how quiet and careful I was, he found something to beat me for. My mom tip-toed around him, trying to make everything perfect in the home. Spotlessly clean. Beautiful dinners on the table when he came home from work. None of it mattered. Even when he was sober, he was a miserable son-of-a-bitch. He used his fists on my mom. Me … he took a belt to, strapping me all over my ass and the tender skin on my thighs. When I was fifteen, he punched me in the face."

Ethan's eyebrows dipped.

"I fought back. Got my ass whipped but I felt hope for the first time in my life. I started working out. By the time I was seventeen, I could take him and protect my mom. He turned his fists away from his family. My mom was forever bailing him out of jail for bar fights."

"She never reported him for abuse?"

I shook my head. "That would have led to worse beatings. Or so she believed."

"And she wasn't able to stop him from beating you?"

My heart ached. I knew I'd never fully forgive her. "I don't remember her ever trying."

"Fuck." Ethan held my face and kissed me. "It makes me feel sick that you endured that." He brushed his hand through his hair. "Thank you for telling me. I know that was difficult."

"I want to be completely honest with you—always. About everything."

My gut twisted. There was more brewing deep inside. I'd never been this open and exposed with someone before. When I was with Ethan—my heart was full. It wanted to invite him in to stay. Maybe someday, I'd be brave enough to extend him that invitation.

Ethan's brow dipped. "The spanking … is that a trigger at all?"

God no.

I shook my head. "No, spanking you is done with pure affection. There is no malice. The act of spanking your ass, knowing you need it … it's so different from what my dad did to me." I brushed some curls away from his eyes. "I wouldn't engage with you that way if it took me back."

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