Page 122 of The Fix

“Fuck,” Toby murmurs and slides one of my legs down. Gripping the other, he drops to the bed beside me, tugging me along until we’re on our sides facing one another and my leg is hiked up on his hip. “Tell me,” he whispers in a raspy tone, his hand cupping my face, his thumb swiping away the tears.

When I shake my head, he scoots closer. His body seals to mine, his erection still buried inside me, his warmth taking over me.

My lip wobbles when the words collect on my tongue.

How can he make me feel so safe yet so … raw?

I bury my face in his chest when the vigor of his gaze becomes too much. “Four years doesn’t seem like a huge gap to most people.” I pause to lick my lips and blink back the tears clouding my vision. “It wasn’t a big deal until we got older.” The mention of another person has Toby stiffening against me and my muscles aching against the memories. “The dis—” My throat clogs with the truth of where it all began for me, so I try a different angle. A separate chapter of the story. “It started with drinking, smoking things … but then the people that supplied the stuff started hanging around far too often.”

Toby’s calloused fingers swipe the hair back from my temple, and I squeeze my eyes shut. “I knew about all the lies. The sneaking around. The pretending to be fine.”

“Tell me what you’re not telling me, Anna,” he murmurs against my forehead. “Say it out loud.”

“I found—” A sob breaks free, my memory of that night still so fresh that I can smell the bathroom soap, see the tainted curtain, the soiled tile floor. “It was a-an OD.”

“Anna,” Toby croaks, his arms circling around me and holding me close.

“I was fourteen the first time I found her.”

His breath whooshes out of him and moves the hair on top of my head, his grip like steel around me.

“She survived that night … only to do it again six more times before I graduated high school. My sister broke out of rehab three times before she finally hopped on a tour bus and disappeared.”

“She never stayed?”

“Once.” I shake my head against him, smearing the wetness from my eyes all over my cheek. “My parents eventually gave up. Let her go. Buried an empty casket.”

“And you hopped on your own tour bus,” he finishes for me like the decision made sense. My parents didn’t think so, in fact, they haven’t spoken to me since.

But Toby understands.

“In hopes that I might come across her somehow. I mean, she’d managed to survive dying all those times, right?” I lift my head and look into the speckled amber eyes of the rock star that holds my heart. I told myself I wouldn’t follow in her footsteps. That I wouldn’t fall in love with an artist and follow them around the world like she did. And yet … “She must certainly be alive still.”

“You haven’t found her.”

I shake my head. “A few years ago, I’d heard that she was living in an encampment, but when I went, she was already gone. If it even was her, I’m not certain.”

“You went alone?” Toby growls and cups my face. “If you ever get another lead, don’t you dare go alone.”

“What if—” I hiccup. “What if it’s to a bar or a drug den? I can’t ask you to do that.”

“Anna, I’d follow you to the ends of the Earth if it meant you didn’t have to live with the pain of not knowing.”

I roll my eyes even though my heart squeezes at the declaration. “I wouldn’t risk your sobriety for a hunch. You’re also kind of famous. That might cause a few problems.”

“Fine. If you won’t promise to take me, then at least promise to take one the guys. Lugh or Ian.”

“Toby—”

“Promise me.” His hips flex, and I gasp when his erection slides deeper inside me.

“O-okay. I promise if you keep doing that.”

Toby’s chuckle fills my ears and my heart and I couldn’t stop my hips from moving, even if I’d wanted to.

“What my needy girl needs,” Toby breathes out and flips us, making me squeal, “my needy girl gets.”

My legs are wrapped around his waist once again, and I moan when he drives his hips forward. “Toby … I-l—”

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