Page 62 of Packed Up In Vegas

“I don’t want her,” he said stiffly. “I used to. I thought maybe I could evade fate by trying to go back to her, but that obviously didn’t go as planned.”

“And—” I swallowed hard. “—when you came back here? Did you have me just because you couldn’t have her?”

“No,” Amir growled. “I might be struggling with everything, but I’m not that much of an asshole.”

“Why are you struggling so much with it?”

He sighed, leaning back on the lounger and bringing me with him so we were chest to chest, breaking our eye contact. “I grew up desperate to please my parents. I did everything they asked, adhered to every single expectation, and cleaved away whole parts of myself to ensure I fit into the box they created for me. They dictated my friends, what I studied, all my extracurriculars. I don’t even like physics, but I made sure I was the best at it to get their approval.

“When I got offered a job at a company in Vegas straight out of university, I jumped on it. They were much more forgiving of my going far away because they wanted my career to be a success. They still think I work for that same company. I quit before my first year there was over because I hated every second of it and I couldn’t stand imagining the rest of my life looking that way.”

I listened in silence, absorbing the words, his heart racing against my ear.

“And then you appeared when I had finally settled into a life that felt like one of my own making, where I got to make my own choices. But I didn’t get to choose you. Fate dropped you into our laps and it all just whiplashed me right back to the feeling of being backed into a corner, slowly cutting away the pieces of me to follow a path someone else had picked out for me.”

I curled my fingers over his shoulder. “I think I know a thing or two about cutting away pieces of yourself. It’s not the same, but I absolutely did that with my ex. I made myself smaller, more palatable, trying to win approval I don’t think I ever actually got.”

His growl rumbled in my ear. “I’m going to push that man off a bridge the next time I see him.”

“I don’t want you to go to jail.”

“I could be stealthy about it.”

I laughed quietly, something inside me finally settling now that I knew what he was thinking. “I feel like I understand you so much better now. I won’t like it if you don’t want to be with me, but I’m never going to force you.”

“I do want you, but wanting to be with you in some ways feels like betraying my younger self.”

“Did you know that four months from now I was going to get married?”

His grip on me tightened.

“I understand what it’s like to look at who you were and know that person would be upset seeing you now, but I’m trying to adjust. I want to build a life that makes me happy, and I don’t know if I could make you happy, but I hope I could, one day.”

Amir didn’t speak for a long while, only stroked my hair. Eventually, he said very softly, “Is it enough if I try?”

Was it? “I think so. I suppose that’s all I can expect from anyone, given how weird this situation is.” Honestly, I never thought I’d get this far with him at all. Trying was a blessing I hadn’t expected.

His sigh lifted me and we settled together. His knot had gone down enough for me to slip off, but I didn’t go far. He lifted his arm for me to tuck myself at his side, ensuring the blanket covered all of me, though I really only needed the warmth of his body.

“I’m sorry I’ve made things difficult for you.” His voice was quiet, but felt so much louder when I was this close. “If it’s any consolation, I promise I’ve made things very difficult for myself too.”

“Good morning, little dove.”

I peeled open one eye to see Kai, Diego, and Miles with soft, amused smiles on their lips, the brilliant blue sky behind them.

“I see you and Amir sorted out your differences.”

It took me a second to process the words, to realize where I was and whom I was wrapped around. Amir was stretched out on the lounge chair, one arm pillowing the back of his head, the other wrapped around me. The blanket covering us had slipped down a considerable amount and Kai adjusted it for me.

“I’d have let you sleep, but you’re a bit lacking in melanin and the sun is going to pop over the roof soon. I’d hate for you to turn into a lobster because you didn’t wake up in time.” He dropped down next to me, pressing a kiss to my bare shoulder. “Are you all right? It felt like you had fun, but a lot was going on and I wanted to be sure.”

“Worried I took advantage of her?” Amir’s voice startled me and I jerked against him.

“If I thought you had, I’d have already drowned you in the pool,” Kai said sweetly, but there was an edge in his eyes. “I felt everything through the bond, by the way. Don’t think I don’t know you upset her.”

“We worked it out,” I assured him. “I think, anyway?”

Amir sighed, his fingertips gliding up my side. “As much as can be worked out in a single night.”

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