Page 1 of Oh No, I Stole An Alien Furball And Kissed A Beastmaster

Chapter

One

ZOE

“Welcome to the Alien Hotel,” I force a smile as the green glob monster goops past me with a squelch. Yeah, I didn’t expect my life to end up like this—abducted, only to find myself on some alien planet, working at a hotel of all places. Still, it’s surprisingly not far off from my checkout clerk job back on Earth.

A slimy tentacle oozes out of the glob monster, thrusting a suitcase into my waiting arms. My much smaller body stumbles under the weight. To be honest, most of the aliens have been pretty nice to me, which is a marked improvement over the Karens I had to deal with on a daily basis before. Of course, that might have to do with how most of the alien males want to get into my pants... turns out females are in demand, and a single girl like myself attracts quite a crowd, even if I do have brown roots showing in my dyed blonde hair.

None of these aliens expected the entire hotel to be staffed by human women. They stare at us in shock as my fellow post-abductees rush about trying to check them into their rooms. It’s not as if a grand opening day is busy enough as is...

“All good,” I huff at the glob of ooze. I have no idea if this alien is male or female or something else. Honestly, my head still boggles, and it’s all I can do not to stand and gape at our customers.

Given the way the alien huffs—at least I think its bubbling noise is a huff—and squelches away, I think it might be female. I bet she wasn’t expecting all this competition for her lovely, shapeless form. I can almost imagine the hair flip over her nonexistent shoulder and the glares she sends my way from nonexistent eyes. Seriously... how does this alien even navigate?

“If you please proceed to the counter, Mister Rist or Jessica will finalize your check-in. I hope you enjoy your stay with us,” I tell the alien with genuine feeling. Life’s hard, I get it. We all deserve a break. Who doesn’t want to come home to a friendly greeting, to be wrapped up in someone’s arms, or just to chill out on the couch?

“When Rathdalia Antharlia personally recommended this hotel to me, I didn’t expect to come across pests,” despite not having a mouth or face, the green blob manages to sneer at me. Okay, so it seems that the universe has its own version of Karens after all.

I could snap back at the alien, tell it to shove off, but the reality is I need this job. It’s not like I have anywhere else to go. A couple of weeks ago, I was abducted from Earth. My captors had chased an escapee down, tracking her to this hotel. After a huge gunfight, Elana emerged the victor and convinced the hotel owner to rescue the rest of us human females. We aren’t slaves anymore, except to the corporate machine.

Not deigning to respond to the alien, I half-drag, half-carry the suitcases to the nearest floating robot. As soon as the bags touch down, the lights on its undercarriage brighten and it begins to hum. I do my best not to get too close—I’m pretty sure my microwave made that sound, and I don’t want to be suddenly fried to a crisp. At arm’s length, I wave my employee ID card over the control panel and key in a random room number. I still can’t read the language, but all of us humans have been given lists to mark off—I just have to match the symbols.

I walk over to Jess at the front counter who is smiling, albeit stiffly, at a green snake-looking person. His lower body is entirely snake-like and massive, as it coils up beneath him. Surprisingly, however, his upper body is... well, drool-worthy. I repress a shudder—if you took away the snake part, that is. He’s covered with muscles, his biceps flexing and his very human-like abs rippling each time he shifts his body. His head is rather humanoid, with glittering scales instead of skin, and the tips of his ears are pointed.

“Hey Jess, I’m tapping out for a moment. Gonna grab a quick breather, okay?” I tell my friend as I step past her. Already I feel guilty about abandoning my girlfriends out on the floor. I just need a quick moment to myself, that’s all. My therapist used to constantly say that I had to take breaks, that it’s healthy to take them... So here I am, taking a drink break. Too bad we don’t have a water cooler to chat around. Though reflecting, I was never the kind of girl to just hang around on company time chatting—underscoring the very reason my therapist said I needed to take breaks.

Jess jumps when I tap her shoulder, the only true sign of how unsettled she is to be around so many different species. She’s braver than me. She’s scared of these aliens, as she should be, yet she’s out here on the floor. Me, I just feel kind of numb.

I make my way into the staff area. I casually notice how the door is automated, which is pretty common on Earth, but for some reason, everything here just feels so foreign... so disconcerting.

I casually wander the hallways with no particular goal, until I hear the voice.

“Will you just come out already? I want to know what you are.”

I grit my teeth and rush forward, glancing in rooms as I search for the speaker. If some alien has snuck back here to terrorize one of my girls, he’s in for a tough time.

My heart rate escalates as I imagine what I’m about to face off with. Something with wings? Nearly every alien has freaky claws instead of fingernails. And sharp teeth... unless you’re a haughty green glob... who’s probably made of acid.

I round the corner, my fists preemptively raised before me, only to find Rist crouching in front of an open wooden crate. His long black hair flows down his back, the coif he keeps it in already disarrayed. From this vantage point, he looks so human-like. I can barely see his ruby-colored skin at all.

“Rist? Is everything okay?” I ask.

He probably didn’t hear me coming as his whole body jolts. He slams his horns, the ones that sprout from his temples, into the underside of the crate that he’s crawling into.

“*beep*! Zoe, I didn’t know you were there.”

I’ve found it endlessly humorous that our translators have a child-friendly mode, blocking out all sorts of swear words. The girls and I like to gather each evening over not-coffee, trying to figure out creative ways to get our translators to actually do their jobs.

“Sorry,” I mumble.

Most of the girls in the hotel are cautious of the aliens around us. Elana, on the other hand, was quick to embrace her new companion, Sutek. I can see why. They are smoking hot; rugged, charismatic, and intelligent. They put human men to shame. They exude confidence with an aura of cockiness that borders on arrogance, yet they seem to be complete teddy bears beneath their tough exterior—by the way, their skin is much thicker than ours, literally. It almost looks like leather. I’ve been wondering for a while now what it would feel like beneath my fingertips...

“I was just fetching some more ingredients for the NutriSynth so I can teach Laura how to use it when I came across this little critter here,” Rist tells me.

A jolt of frustration goes through me that Laura gets to spend her days with Rist, but I shove it aside. It’s not her fault my libido’s going wild at the moment. Besides, she’s trying so hard. Laura’s quite shy and retreats whenever an alien gets close. However, she insisted on contributing so she was assigned the duty of bartender, using the NutriSynth machine to literally produce the basic orders that guests request. It’s as easy as pushing a button. In retrospect, it sounds pretty mind-numbing.

I’m practically green with envy, just like some glob monster named Karen. Great. I really need to get this libido issue sorted. Of all the emotions I’m experiencing right now, why does it have to be horny? What kind of survival response is that? I bet my old therapist would have a field day with me.

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