Page 19 of Oh No, I Stole An Alien Furball And Kissed A Beastmaster

Before me, the crowd that’s gathered roars with approval. Aliens of all shapes, sizes, colors, and textures are crushed into the hall. And did that guy at the back try to fly? I’m sure I saw him just casually flapping his wings, hitting those around him, in a space that’s crammed full like sardines.

“Has everyone got their weapons?” I ask, raising my gun into the air before me. The noise in the room crescendos as aliens whoop and stamp their feet…appendages.

During my dramatic pause, I smile down politely at Rathdalia. He’s holding dual guns, looking like a kid on Christmas Day, and every bit a wild-west oil tycoon with his white suit and his over-large fedora hat. Another positive review for the hotel, it seems.

“Remember, each Yum-Yum captured counts as a single point. The team with the most Yum-Yums in their designated cages wins! Let the competition begin!”

It took forever to get so many aliens into one room—turns out some species aren’t that friendly with others, and asking them to squish side by side… It takes less than a minute for the packed hall to clear out, leaving only a few discarded pieces of paper floating by a bit like tumbleweed on the wind.

“This is quite ingenious,” Taruk tells me. He turns his gun this way and that, admiring it. Males and their weapons.

“If you aren’t careful, you’ll shoot yourself in the eye,” I tell him, just in time to witness a stream of water shoot out of the nozzle and splash him across the face.

“Are you ready for team-girls to win?” Elana practically squeals as she slams into my side.

“Yeah we are!” I high-five her.

Jennifer rushes over to join us, joining in the premature celebrations. I’ve barely ever had time to hang out with her since she doesn’t live permanently at the hotel like the rest of us. She arrived hours ago on a spaceship with her mate Valtair, and as soon as she heard our event plans she was all in. The next thing I know is that both she and Elana are dressed up with a variety of leather belts, each dangling a ridiculous number of water guns from hooks and straps. They both look like knock-off pirates. Not that I’m going to tell Jen that, given that her mate is an actual pirate.

“Are you sure this is okay? It’s not going to hurt them, is it?” Another girl asks, joining us as she ties her brown hair up in a bun. She tries to look confident, but her eyes radiate nervousness.

I shake my head as I reply, “Water just makes them slow and sleepy. We tested it on a couple we caught earlier. What we determined is that it’s evolutionary based. Most species breed at the start of spring, alongside rains and fresh plant growth. Yum-Yums prefer after the rain stops because, of course, food is plentiful by then. I’m guessing it’s got to do something with them separating like cells and not actually breeding… Don’t ask me how, I’m no biologist. I’m putting it down to creepy, weird alien behavior.”

“I don’t see how that helps us stop the infestation,” the girl comments with a frown.

“Spray them with water and then just scoop them up as they have a nap. Plus, the water stops them multiplying. It’s a bit like a birth-control drink.”

“See, it’s fine Kayla.” Elana wraps her arm around the girl, dragging her into the group huddle. “They’re really a bit like cats; hate water and sleep all day.”

This all started because I wanted a pet cat, I realize.

“Yeah, if cats have like six legs and multiply faster than rabbits,” Laura calls out from across the room. We all dissolve into a fit of giggles.

“You sure you can handle all that?” I ask Laura, indicating the table before her that’s covered in cups and bowls. Refreshments. Because nothing makes you hungrier than running around shooting at things, apparently.

“It’s a safe room,” Laura replies. “And hey, I’m used to serving a huge family. This isn’t very different. I mean… tall brother, tall monster… the same, right?”

Despite her joke, she looks at us with a tight smile. She’s still nervous around the aliens.

“I’ll be here to keep her company,” a tall Volscian male answers, stepping up beside her. Nolan glares down at her assortment of homemade snacks as if they’ve personally offended him. As the resident Cyberchef, they probably have. Why cook with your hands when a machine can do it for you to perfection?

I, for one, embrace my robot overlord… ah, servants.

“You know, you guys can take Nolan with you if you like,” Sophie offers. “I’m sure he can find a way to, you know, be actually useful for once.”

“And that’s our cue to leave,” Elana says, herding our team towards the door. “Let those love birds sort themselves out.”

“Love birds,” I snort. “I’m pretty sure they are going to bludgeon each other with rolling pins first.”

“I’m pretty sure Laura would like Nolan to bludgeon her with his tool if you get what I mean.”

Half of us laugh, the others moan.

“I’ve heard worse dad jokes before!” someone comments. With such a big group I’m losing track of who’s talking. Besides, my mind is on one thing: winning. I’m going to prove to everyone that I’m worth having around. I know that I’ve got to ditch this kind of thinking, that it’s not healthy… but it takes a while to change ingrained habits. One day at a time. Besides, who doesn’t want to win a competition? That’s the point of them, isn’t it?

“Okay, I vote we hit the stables first,” I tell the group. “Everyone else is heading towards the kitchen and storage rooms, but they’ve forgotten entirely about the animal feed Taruk keeps there. I bet we’ll be able to snatch up a whole bunch of Yum-Yums and those juicy points.”

As a group, we rush through the hotel towards our destination. Already there is pandemonium around us as aliens race back and forth. Only this time, instead of fleeing from the Yum-Yums, they chase them willingly. The sound of laughter, cackles and a few outlandish roars is music to my ears. I kind of feel like a kid again. We all do. There’s a joy to the air, and an excitement to participate in fun and games with friends.

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