Page 77 of Strictly Forbidden

How many men in his position managed to get a second chance at life? How many could finally try to find new happiness? I had no idea of the real numbers but what I did know from experience was that the people suffering trauma or tragedy had two choices.

Wallow in the continued self-pity.

Or overcome all the obstacles that had been shoved in their way.

As I started the water, grateful one of the stupid things I’d brought with me had been bubble bath, I knew I was judging Kage a little harshly. I’d certainly spent enough time replaying being the victim. I’d wallowed in that very pity I’d thought about with him, devouring cartons of ice cream and gallons of wine while watching horror flicks. They’d comforted me.

My shrink had been bug-eyed when I’d told him.

One thing did stick in my mind after Kage’s admittance. I believed he wasn’t guilty of killing the mafia leader’s son, but did that really make a difference? He was an admitted killer after all. The justice system had a funny way of looking at men involved in organized crime. Judges, mayors, and prosecutors often railroaded men who’d had nothing to do with a high-profile murder or murders into prison to gain votes. Hell, I’d seen it in action in my home state.

Yes, I’d read about crime syndicates, researching a dozen families and organizations throughout the world for a couple of books, but I was by no means an expert. They were bad guys but the organizations certainly were entirely different than even twenty years ago. The groups had gotten more sophisticated. The crime writer wanted to delve into Kage’s defense, finding loopholes. My guess was the only thing I could do was help Kage force an admittance from… whoever the hell was really responsible.

Yeah, that was going to happen.

I was more than frustrated as hell, especially because the brutal rogue would never want help from a little lady.

I went back to my original thought.

Fuck him.

However, my thoughts also continued to drift to Kage’s grandfather. Was it possible the man had been involved with something so heinous that it had caused the terrible ripple effect?

And why was I bothering to psychoanalyze Kage’s life? He was hot and cold. Good and evil. Something I had to keep in the back of my mind that for the blips of joy or light I’d seen in him, the darkness had quickly taken over. He didn’t want to feel better. He didn’t need anyone but himself. He had no intentions of building a new life.

He was determined to get himself killed.

There was nothing I could do about it.

Or was there?

I added a heaping volume of bubbles to the steamy water and lit the couple of candles I’d found with the old lighter. At least it was still working. As Max thumped his tail, I gazed down at him. The pup’s eyes were imploring more than usual.

“Don’t look at me that way. I wasn’t the one to shut us down. I’ve extended the olive branch a dozen times. At least it feels that way. Yes, I do miss him and I wish things could be different, but if you’re looking for the perfect nuclear family, my sweet pup, it’s not possible. In fact, I doubt it really exists other than in books.”

He woofed a couple of times and I flicked off the overhead light.

“But you’re right. I do care about him, way too much. He’s amazing and so handsome, the only man who’s ever made me feel so beautiful and alive. I want nothing more than to get to know him a lot better, but what am I supposed to do? Fawn all over him? Try and seduce him? That’s not my style. Okay, not that I really have a style. I know what you’re thinking.”

Max was silent, which meant he was criticizing me. I could feel it. “Okay, I could see it outside of this cabin, and the danger he has brought us, so as soon as you can figure out how to make that happen, let me know. You’re supposed to be a lot wiser than most humans so put your money where your mouth is, pup. I need some help here or I might just go mad. And I assure you that neither you nor the man who… turned you into the most incredible little boy on the face of this earth want to see that.”

As I reached down, scratching him under the chin, he licked my face.

The sweet dog always knew when I needed a little extra attention or just a soft kiss to make me feel better.

I yanked the towel off the bar, wondering just how long Kage could continue brooding. The internet was working, yeah, but he still had my phone. If only I could make a couple of calls. Maybe my buddy the detective could provide a little help. Hmmm… he did owe me, right?

For what?

I waved my hand as if that was going to push the inner voice away.

The other issue in my great plan was that Kage watched me every time I opened the laptop. Okay, so maybe he knew me well enough to comprehend I certainly would have sent an email or two off to those people who cared about me.

Even if somewhere in the back of my mind I was aware of the danger if I did.

What I hated more than anything was feeling like a caged animal.

At least I had a tall glass of wine and the water would soothe my aching muscles. My mind was a completely different animal. I wanted to break through to Kage. I longed to see him smile again like during the snowball fight. I just wanted…

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