Page 86 of Lord of Debauchery

Marriage.

I’d convinced myself I hadn’t wanted to marry anyone. Just the thought of being attached to them for the rest of my life seemed impossible. I could handle a situation like a lease on a car. Maybe entering into a five- or seven-year commitment then both parties reevaluating when the term was close to being up.

That might help drive the high divorce rate below the national average of thirty-three percent. Or maybe I was fooling myself. However, I’d been forced to take a hard look in the mirror over the last whirlwind of days.

Today was my wedding day. It had turned out to be an arranged one after all.

Or was it?

It had felt as if I’d been floundering my entire life, searching for something or someone. I’d tried so hard not to be myself, to lose my heritage and any love of my family. I’d ignored what I felt in my heart, certain working eighty plus hour weeks would soothe the anger and the loneliness.

Well, I could see how that had worked out.

But as odd as it sounded, amid the violence and distrust that had thrown Beckham and me together, I was certain I’d finally found my way. In him. In us. No, in me. Maybe that’s why I was more nervous now than I had been.

At first, it had seemed like a good business arrangement, tangible and useful for both of us. A part of me had wanted Beckham to trust me, to understand just how much I’d hated my father. But now? Now, as I’d experienced so many times after meeting the man, everything seemed entirely different.

“You look beautiful.” Georgia was married to Sabatino, her own background one of similar difficulties. She’d always run away from everything she’d known to protect her child. Sabatino had come crashing into her life, something she hadn’t known she’d needed. She now had a second child, adoring the man she’d married.

“Thank you. I appreciate your help. All of you.” I turned around to face the various women who were married to the members of the Brotherhood. We were in an alliance of our own, twelve women who were sworn to secrecy about the powerful organization. Twelve women who’d initially had no desire to become involved with dangerous men.

And twelve women who shared the same passion for life.

“We’re happy to be here,” Jade said, lifting her champagne glass. She was married to Constantine. Her insane stories had kept all of us laughing during this last hectic week. If the girls hadn’t been here, not only propping me up but reminding me why it was okay to marry a very dangerous man, I doubted I could go through with today.

“We are,” Carina added. Her story with Diego and Dante Santos had fascinated me. But she’d fallen head over heels in love with the wrong twin only because of subterfuge on Dante’s part. I was pleasantly surprised the two brothers were now as close as they were. Their movie production empire was the thing legends were made of. In addition, she had a recording studio and had vowed to help both Beckham and me get what would be our fledging recording company back on its feet after the fire.

Yes, Beckham and I had spent some time making plans for the future that had nothing to do with the assassins or the fucking Death Squad. That was in between our extreme acts of passion that had kept us very busy.

I was sore as all get out from the rough round of sex the night before. But I’d loved every minute. He’d fucked me as if time was running out.

In Jenna Diamondis, I found different strengths, her love of being a veterinarian something I adored. She was the true animal lover of the group, her adoration of all furry creatures rubbing off on many of the others, many of them owning dogs or kitties.

Perhaps Beckham and I needed a dog. It sounded like a good idea to me. And before we had a child. It might be a good training ground.

Whew. I was already planning years in the future when I wasn’t certain we’d have much longer on this earth.

I couldn’t avoid the melancholy that had plagued me the last few days. That might be because of the numbers of soldiers who were everywhere in town, around the houses, following us wherever we went. It was as if we were celebrities. If the townsfolk knew or cared, it wasn’t obvious. At least the soldiers seemed to disappear into the woodwork most of the time.

That didn’t make the mental and emotional overload any easier. I was struck by how much I’d changed over the last two weeks, so much so I almost didn’t recognize myself. Yet a part of me felt as if this was all pretend.

“Have you heard anything from your father or brother?” Penny asked. She’d only recently gotten married to Kraven Sokolov, her most recent experience of putting a wedding together providing a good backdrop of information.

“No. Nothing. Not that I thought I would.” I’d sent the invitation to my old address. The property was still owned by my family but from what Beckham had discovered, neither man had been seen for at least two months.

That corroborated the fact they were in the throes of protecting the big guns within the Death Squad.

“Well, the guests are just starting to arrive.” Carina was looking out the window at the well-organized event.

Massive tents had been rented in case of inclement weather but at least Mother Nature was working with us, the day bright and beautiful, even warmer than it should be in May in New Hampshire. There were flowers and decorations everywhere, the trellis just waiting for our arrival where a minister would perform the ceremony.

We’d arranged for a band and a dance floor, two bars and enough food for an army. The house and grounds were protected, but we hadn’t been able to lock everything down like a fortress given the number of guests who were in the process of arriving.

That would raise red flags to anyone who was paying attention.

It was entirely possible the house was being watched, which was one reason I had the creepy crawlies.

The other was I simply wasn’t certain I was doing the right thing.

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