Page 85 of Let Leaves Lay Where They Fall

Nathan walks straight over to his unkempt bed and collapses with the little paper bag clutched to his chest in white knuckle fists.

Jamie doesn’t know what to do. He picks up the coffee pot and fills it with water from the tap. Scoops some ground beans into a filter and starts the brew. He stands at the counter and waits for it to finish dripping completely, letting Nathan have a minute with the last pieces of her.

He hasn’t moved. Curled around the bag and staring at Mabel’s bowls across the room.

Jamie fixes two mugs and carries them to the bed. He sets them on the nightstand and lowers himself, sitting on the edge of the mattress.

Nathan looks up at him. Hazel eyes have lost their spark, through shiny wet eyelashes. He reaches across Jamie’s lap, pressing his forehead against his thigh. His face cracks and the tears flow again. The sadness is unbearable.

Jamie lays next to him, wrapping around Nathan’s broken body, kissing his forehead. Wiping tears from his cheeks. Fingers twirl in dark ringlets. “I’m here with you. I’m not going anywhere.” The next few words fall out of his mouth with ease, as if it wasn’t already obvious, and this was probably not a great time to profess, “I love you.”

Nathan tightens his knotted arms around Jamie’s waist.

Chapter 28

Ceremony

Nathan slept, and Jamie stayed near his side. Both called out of work the first day, and Nathan already has the next two off. Jamie was able to get his shifts covered after speaking to Dennis from the landing at the top of the stairs in the entry. Explaining the situation to a fellow animal lover with that papa bear energy was well received. He was glad Robbie hadn’t answered, he might have gotten a different sort of energy in return. Robbie loved his cats too, but tended to put the restaurant first, and expected everyone to do the same.

They ordered their meals on insta-delivery apps and ate hanging their legs off the foot of the bed or sitting cross legged at opposite ends of the little coffee table in front of the sofa.

Nathan wanted to watch “The Neverending Story” again, and Jamie would never turn that request down. They did have to fast forward through the traumatic swamp of sadness scene of course. Neither one of them could stomach it after losing Mabel.

Jamie only left the apartment once in the two days. When the Vet’s office called to let Nathan know her cremated remains were ready to be picked up, Jamie insisted he go while Nathan took a shower. Hoping it would wash away some of the sadness. He collapsed again for several hours when he saw the little wooden box, wrapped in plastic and taped shut, with her name written in black marker across the top. He curled around the box, sobbing while Jamie stroked his back in silence.

They ordered pizza for dinner, with a side of fried chicken fingers in her honor. Jamie didn't count those calories.

When he tried to stand up from the sofa, to take care of the empty pizza and chicken boxes. Nathan grabbed his bicep and pulled him back down.

Leaning in, nuzzling Jamie’s neck. His warm breath floating over clavicle skin and down the collar of his t-shirt, tickling sparse chest hairs. Carrying the softly spoken words. “I love you too.”

Jamie clenches his scruffy face between both hands. Staring into hazel eyes, sparkling again. He kisses his soft pepperoni greased lips.

“You’re moving into my place for the next few weeks.” Jamie wasn’t taking no for an answer. “We haven’t found you a new place. Andrew is in Montreal, and it just makes sense.”

“Okay.” He finally smiles again.

Jamie kisses those beautiful up-turned lips. He missed seeing them.

***

They pack up the studio in the evening. All of Nathan and Mabel’s things fit into three cardboard boxes. Most of it is clothes. Everything else belongs to the short-term rental property. They sleep one more night, or grab an early morning nap really, before cleaning the space and loading everything into the old Cherokee.

Leaving the keys on the kitchen counter, hugging Mabel’s wooden box, Nathan says a silent little goodbye to the space where his life changed so much.

Trudging down the first flight and then shuffling the rest of the way. Excited to be staying with Jamie the next few weeks, in his own habitat. Nathan hops into the growling suv. Heat blasted and Jamie is searching his phone for music to play through the after-market Bluetooth system. “I want to make a quick stop somewhere before we go home.”

Jamie’s lips pinch and curl at the edges, grinning from the end of that sentence. “Okay.’’ He leans over the console to kiss Nathan’s fresh groomed cheek. He starts the music.

Nathan drives them out to Willard Beach. They park and walk the paved trail, past the wilting dry grass swaying in the sea breeze, onto the sandy beach. He clutches the little box under his arm.

Jamie follows, falling a few steps behind as Nathan approaches the water. Foamy waves push onto the beach and pull back into the ocean.

Nathan crouches. Cradling the box between his knees. He pulls a little glass bottle out of his coat pocket. Reaching his other arm into the opposite pocket and producing a folded piece of paper.

Jamie stands back, folding his arms over his chest, trying to guard against the cold ocean wind.

Nathan lifts the wooden lid. Peering inside at a tan linen bag, gathered and tied shut by a beige cotton cord. Inside the linen bag is a plastic zip lock, holding the powdery gray remains of his best friend. His eyes get swimmy, and he bites his lip. Taking in a deep inhalation of thick seagrass and salty scented air.

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