Page 84 of Let Leaves Lay Where They Fall

He sits next to Nathan. Enveloping his hand in both of his, between his knees.

The receptionist moves from behind her desk and walks toward them.

Jaime smiles up at her.

She passes Nathan a clipboard of papers to fill out and Jamie accepts them on his behalf. He asks Nathan the questions and records all the answers before handing the clipboard back to the candy haired girl.

“The techs should be out with news soon.” She tries to comfort them. “Can I get you water? Coffe?”

Nathan stares at the wall ahead, squeezing Jamie’s hand.

“No thank you.” Jamie answers for them both.

The wait is silent and feels like days passing.

“I’ve got to call work.” Nathan says, staring down at the black and white tiled floor.

“I’ll call them.” Jamie tries to stand up, but Nathan won’t release his grip.

“Later.” His glossy eyes finally meet Jamie’s. He’s exhausted.

Jamie leans his forehead against Nathan’s.

The double doors open, and the two techs emerge. Nathan rises to his feet and Jamie follows suit.

Their staunch expressions warn of the coming disaster. He looks over to Nathan, there’s still hope on his face.

“I’m so sorry.” The male tech begins.

Nathan’s hand tightens around Jamie’s. His breathing halts.

“We tried everything to keep her with us. With her age, the impact was just too much.”

Nathan drops Jamie’s hand and collapses on the seat. He buries his face in both of his palms. His shoulders cave around his chest and his whole back heaves. The pained whimpers coming from him knot Jamie’s insides.

He drops down next to him and covers Nathan’s body with his own. Trying to shield him from this nightmare. Jamie’s eyes flood and pour over onto Nathan’s sweatshirt. His heart stings for the beautiful man and loss of his newest bff.

“We’re so sorry.” The female tech adds. “Would you like to see her?”

Nathan nods. Smearing tears away. He can’t speak. Taking Jamie’s hand again, he leads as they follow the techs back to see Mabel’s body.

The double doors swing open to a sterile yellow hallway with three doors lining the right side. They walk to the second and the female tech holds it open for them.

Mabel is laid on her side atop the steel table. Covered up to her neck in a white sheet. Her big wrinkly face is peaceful, like she’s asleep and dreaming, but her chest doesn’t fill with breath anymore.

Nathan releases Jamie’s hand and drapes himself over the still pup. His torso quakes as tears flow. He buries his face in her fur and inhales her scent. Desperately trying to absorb her spirit before it flies away. “I love you, Mabel.” He speaks into her jowl. He kisses her cheek and the top of her head. “Grumpy old girl.” His voice fades.

Jamie’s face is soaked with tears. His chest aches for air that won’t come. He stands back to let Nathan have this final moment with her. Pinching his lips in his fingers. He can’t think of words to say, if he should say anything at all. He knows he has no place in this moment and just places a hand between Nathan’s shoulder blades to remind him he’s not alone.

***

After settling details with the techs and receptionist for Mabel’s cremation. Jamie follows Nathan out to the Jeep, three steps behind. They’re both quiet. Nathan is ragged and devastated. He climbs into the driver's seat and Jamie gets in the passenger's side. They sit for a moment. Nathan staring forward at the grey brick clinic wall. His eyes are red and glazed over. “Thank you for coming.” He says softly. “I didn’t know what to do.”

“I’m so sorry Nathan.” Jamie chokes back more tears. He places his hand on Nathan's forearm. Nathan turns the key in the ignition.

They ride back to the apartment without speaking, no music, just the hum of the air blowing from the heater. The sun has come up, but daylight is muted by cloud cover casting gray monotone over everything. Nathan steers into his parking spot, turns the jeep off and gathers the paper bag holding Mabel’s collar and tags. It crinkles when he hugs it to his chest and exits the vehicle. Jamie follows a few steps behind, as they trudge up the stairs.

The apartment feels empty. It’s missing a most important resident.

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