Page 75 of Dealing With Drak

My own despair will likely linger, too intense to be washed away overnight. Fresh tears spill from my eyes, and my chest feels heavier than it should. I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t know how to fix me.

So for now, I just silently sob until sleep takes me. Even as I rest, the idea of a future with Drak consumes me. My mind whirls with vivid dreams about a happy and full life. Free from the fear of death and the struggles of living in an apocalypse. I imagine exploring this new planet and everything it has to offer.

I see long nights gazing at the sky, passionate kisses, and sweet hugs. Most intensely, I get a glimpse at some tiny, white-haired babies with light green skin and sparkly blue eyes. Drak as a father and me as a mother…

A future I never thought possible, and one that I crave more than anything else.

29

Drak

Sitting outside of An-nana’s room throughout the night was not very comfortable, but I would not have left even if I wished to. I believed I could stay at Terum’s home as he is my neighbor, but I could not even stay in my own room. Being away from An-nana hurts more than anything. Even more than the lingering sting of her rejection before leaving Urth.

Though, I am not sure if being away from her hurts more than the sound of her silent cries throughout the night. I felt as if I were being stabbed in the soul seed as she softly wept herself to sleep. She does not wish to be here, so much so that it makes her sob. Am I so terrible to be mated to?

I had thought she was finally falling for me—recognizing how perfect we are together. But now, I am unsure. I have doubts I never wished to feel. I wonder if she sees me as other females have in the past, like I am something to fear rather than love.

It is morning now, and even as I hear her wake, listening to her footsteps, I do not move. I wish to see her, even if I find fear in her eyes. I must know. When the door creaks open and I take in her form, I feel as though I am able to breathe freely again.

An-nana freezes as her door closes behind her. Her hair is a tangled mess, and she appears to be more pale than usual. The sight makes my chest clench.

Her sleepy blue eyes blink as she notices me.

“You didn’t go to Terum’s,” she says, voice catching on the words.

She is pleased I am here, it almost makes me smile.

“I could not leave,” I confess, remaining on the floor.

“I know you’re mad at me,” An-nana whispers. “But I could really use a hug right now, Drak.” Her trembling words touch my heart.

So could I.

I hold my arms open. “Come here, my mate.”

Her eyes widen in disbelief, but she rushes to my side anyway.

Does she believe I would deny her this? When she comes to me with her voice resigned and her eyes puffy with the evidence of past tears?

I embrace her as soon as she leans down, scooping her up and planting her in my lap. She shudders and presses the side of her face into my chest, my chin tucking her head into place. She feels so small and vulnerable this way.

“I’m so sorry,” she tells me tearfully. “I never meant to hurt you.”

Even though I am hugging her tightly and feeling stronger with every moment of it, I am still in pain. I wish that I were not and that I could forget our fight ever happened.

I long to press a kiss to her hair but refrain. I must share words with her so that she understands why I am not myself. “You publicly rejected me, An-nana. It would have hurt less if you put a blade through my chest.”

An-nana looks up at me, sadness swimming behind her eyes.

She bites her lip before she confesses, “I never meant to. I wasn’t trying to reject you. I wanted to stay for Caleb, but I didn’t mean for you to go. It happened so fast, and I didn’t know if I could ask you to stay or even how to ask you to stay. You love your planet, but I thought you wouldn’t leave me. I was scared, so I acted selfishly and rashly. I don’t know how to say sorry enough, but I’m telling you the truth now.

“When we walked up to the ship, everything hit me all at once. My family—apart from Caleb—was gone. I couldn’t let anything bad happen to him, and with Aprix being so unfamiliar… I feared the worst. I was never trying to reject you or get you to leave us there alone. I didn’t think you getting on the spaceship without me was even an option.”

“It was not,” I agree with a rasp. I would not have left alone. “And still, it felt as if you were pushing me onto the ship, asking to be left behind.”

“I’m so sorry,” my mate pleads, snuggling into my chest. “I don’t want to lose you, Drak. Tell me I’m not losing you.”

Of course, she is not.

---