Page 69 of Dealing With Drak

I don’t give a shit about the chicken, but I won’t mock her for caring.

Cayte eyes me. “So, any last-minute secret missions you plan to dash off on?”

“No,” I grind out. “Just give us some time to pack. Caleb needs to shower and to grab clothes from the spares in the basement. I haven’t prepared at all. How much are we taking?”

“As much as you can pack,” Brooke says reassuringly. “There’s not a limit to how much the big ship can carry. And we can come back someday to get other things—if there’s still a planet to come back to.”

Her words sound like honey, but I don’t feel very reassured at all, to be honest.

“Fine.”

Without another word, I leave the two of them and grab Caleb.

I practically shove him into the bathroom and tell him not to come out until he’s scrubbed the grime off of every bit of himself. While he gets clean, I start shoving all my things into the few duffle bags that I have. Clothes, personal care stuff, pictures, guns, ammunition, knives, basically all of my meager belongings.

When Drak offers to help, I give him a kiss to get him off my back and grab a significant pile of clothes from the basement. Mostly flannels, jeans, shorts, and t-shirts for Caleb. The food down there has already been packed and likely put on the ship because it’s nowhere to be seen.

Eventually, the sun begins to go down. The house looks gutted with all of our things already loaded onto the spaceship, and Caleb is all smiles in his new clean clothes. Like me, he chooses to keep a gun on his belt, still feeling safer with it than without it, I imagine. Unlike me, he seems positively gleeful at the prospect of ditching this planet.

The place where our brother is roaming around aimlessly as an undead beast. Or where his corpse is rotting, since he could have been killed once turned into a zombie. It makes my stomach ache and my head throb to think about it. I didn’t feel this wave of hurt when Caleb informed me of what happened to Landon, but now I can’t seem to get rid of it.

I feel awful.

What if something happens to Caleb now? Aprix could be dangerous for him, and I never even tried to find out if it would be safe. How can I allow for uncertainty?

I can’t lose both of my brothers.

So as Drak, Caleb, and I begin to approach the ship to leave, I freeze.

With my booted feet planted in the grass, I stare at the big hunk of metal and technology, utterly still. My heart feels like it’s going to burst from my chest, and I grab Caleb’s arm, halting him in place, too.

“An-nana?” Drak asks, tilting his head. “Did you forget something?”

I swallow hard and shake my head.

“We’re staying.”

Both my brother and Drak look stricken.

Why don’t I feel relieved to say those words? Shouldn’t I feel better now? Staying means we aren’t leaving Landon behind. Staying would mean keeping Caleb safe from a potentially bad situation on the new planet.

Sure, there are zombies here, but we’ve survived this far. Oh god, it feels like my chest is caving in. I can’t stop it, why can’t I stop this feeling?

Drak comes closer, and his frown makes my head spin.

“What do you say, An-nana?” He can’t believe the words, I assume. His chest light flickers, and I swear I hear my heart crack as it does.

“A?” Caleb asks. “What are you talking about? We can’t stay here.”

I breathe out shakily. He hasn’t called me A in so long.

“I won’t go. We don’t know if it’s safe for you.”

My brother’s features soften. “That’s not your call to make for me, A. If I want to risk it, I will. I’d rather risk it than stay here to die.”

“I do not understand,” Drak croaks, the words hardly a whisper. “You will not come home with me? What risk are you speaking of? Aprix is safe. I am safe. An-nana and Cay-leb are safe with Drak. What risk?”

“She’s worried that you’re planet won’t accept me.”

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