Page 56 of The Mafia's Surprise Gift

All of my anger and unresolved hurt was now aimed at Rocco, as if he had been the one to pull the trigger. I hated him. I hated him for telling me and dragging up this old pain again. I hated him for being in my life. I hated him for being in the Mafia.

If he hadn’t left me that night, my entire life would have been different and maybe my father would still be alive. I would have told him I was pregnant, and we wouldn’t have moved to the city. Then, my father wouldn’t have been there when that fight happened, and he would still be with me.

It was the only path that made sense to me right now. As if Rocco was the cause of all the hurt in my life, it was easy to blame him, easy to paint him as the villain in my mind. It gave me something to focus on.

And… I didn’t really hate him. Deep down, it was easier to hate him than it was to focus on the real emotions I struggled with.

Guilt.

Guilt because my desire for Rocco still burned strong. My desire for all of them still burned strong. The car accident had unlocked something inside me, a deep need to live my life to the fullest, and denying myself things I enjoyed just felt ridiculous now.

But could I ever look at Rocco the same? Or Dino, knowing he was there when my father passed?

“Mom?” Zack turned back to me and drew me out of my thoughts. I blinked quickly, clearing the few stray tears that had built up during my mind's wandering.

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Is Grandma gonna be okay?”

I ruffled his hair a little, then pulled him close and planted a kiss on top of his head. “I think she will be fine. Once the test results come back, the doctors will know how to help her.”

“Like they helped you?” Zack’s eyes drifted to my hairline, where the healing laceration from the car accident glared out from my skin. The stitches were gone, so now it was just a red, angry line.

“Yes, exactly. They need to find all of Grandma's puzzle pieces. Once they have the full picture, they’ll get her some medicine, and she’ll be back to her old self.”

Zack nodded slowly and returned to the puzzle. He slotted the last few pieces into place and then clapped his hands together.

“Yay!”

Pride lit up his face, and I fought not to dwell on my mother. Her illness had started as a cold, but the doctors had been throwing around the word pneumonia. My mother was stubborn in all aspects of her life, though, and was treating it as if it was just the flu. She was still as sharp as ever.

“Alright, kiddo. You tidy up the puzzle, and I’ll get started on the popcorn, okay?”

“Okay!”

I kissed the top of his head once more and tried to put everything out of my mind as I busied in the kitchen making popcorn and drinks. Movies were next, part of my grand plan to bury myself in spending time with my son and not thinking about my whole host of new problems.

That lasted until after the first movie and Zack was yawning so widely that he decided to take a nap. Tucking him in bed, I promised him that we would have spaghetti hoops for dinner—and promised him three times since he seemed certain I would forget—then I headed through to my own room and collapsed into bed.

Mom was sick. Dad had been killed by the Mafia. I had come close. This was not a world I should want to be in. But as I lay there, my mind kept latching onto things I wanted to avoid thinking about. Jian’s smile and his determination to be honest before getting close to me. The odd comfort that rose each time I spotted Dino’s car when he was following me around. The flowers Rocco sent me. They all showed their affection in their own way.

And they were dangerous.

I cried myself to sleep, curled around my pillow with my face buried to prevent myself from making any noise. I was so foolish for thinking I could have had any kind of life with them. We weren’t compatible in the slightest. I wasn’t built for a world of guns and wars and assassinations.

And yet… I would always be connected to that world. Because of Zack.

My dreams were troubled nonsense that eventually woke me in a hot rush. Sweat made my T-shirt cling uncomfortably to my back, and my hair stuck to my forehead and the back of my neck. Kicking the covers back, the coolness of my room was a welcome relief. I yawned, stretched, and slowly stood from the bed.

Glancing at the clock, it was a little after seven. I’d slept much longer than I intended and my thoughts immediately jumped to Zack. We had to make dinner, and Mom should be home by now.

“Zack?” I knocked softly on his door and walked in, rubbing sleep from my eyes. My face was stiff from crying earlier. I’d need to wash up. “Come on, buddy. Up and at ’em.”

Zack’s bed was empty.

My heart jumped up in alarm. I scanned his room, then reasoned that he likely woke up a while ago. With another yawn, I hurried downstairs to the lounge, but that room was empty.

He wasn’t there.

---