Page 57 of Devious Knight

I speak for close to an hour, telling them everything, watching their faces go from shocked to sad, then witnessing them react to my news.

They both take the news that I was planning to leave Raventhorn in six weeks hard.

I thought Annika would be worse than Mackenzie because we became friends the first week of college and have stuck together like glue since, but Mackenzie looks like she just lost an arm. I guess I thought that because she has such a huge personality she’d be enough for herself.

“Why did you keep this to yourself?” Annika asks. “All of it, but especially Cambridge. You were going to leave?”

I shake my head and my nervous fingers grip the fluffy fibers of the beanbag. Now that everything has gone to hell my reasons for keeping everything secret don’t seem so valid anymore. “I think I know now that I was running away.”

“Because of Kade,” Mackenzie fills in.

“I guess so.” I hate the admission and immediately want to take it back. “Things were bad with him but then they got worse and worse. When the opportunity to go to Cambridge came up I took it. It felt right. I had the chance to study under an artist I've idolized forever, and it gave me a legit chance to escape without feeling like I was leaving because someone was making me feel threatened. Damn, I sound weak, right?”

“Not at all. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to want to leave somewhere you don’t feel safe.”

“Neither do I,” Annika agrees. “I don’t care how established or good the college is. I wouldn’t want to stay here if I didn’t feel safe. You know what I’ve been through, so I completely understand.”

No one understands the need to feel safe more than Annika. She lived the last ten years of her life under a secret identity. She was also supposed to be dead. Her mother was protecting her after her father was accused of mass murdering a group of people, including Thorne’s family.

She came here under the guise of someone else and until the truth was revealed and her father exonerated she wasn’t safe.

“I just wish you’d told us,” Mackenzie says, leaning forward so her elbows are resting on her knees.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make it seem like I didn’t trust you. I guess I just didn’t want anyone telling me to stay and fight. I was tired of everything. I still am.” I let my gaze drop to the diamond-shaped pattern on the carpet and stare until everything blurs. “My exhaustion started back in high school. And even before that, when I lost my mom.”

“I get it.” The sympathy in Mackenzie’s voice pulls on my heart and I meet her gaze again.

“I feel terrible for not being around.” Annika brings her hands up to her cheeks. “Sometimes I’m so wrapped up in Thorne I forget what day it is. It’s crazy to be like that. I end up missing out on things like this and friends who need me.”

“No, please. Don’t you dare say that.” I smile at her. “You and Thorne are in love and into each other. You both deserve happiness. I wouldn’t want you two any other way.”

“You’re the vision of the love we all want for ourselves.” Mackenzie leans into Annika and smiles.

“Thanks guys.” Annika blushes. “But back to you, Isabelle. What are you going to do? Do you still want to apply to Cambridge?”

“Yes. Even if I don’t get into next year’s program I still need to do everything I’m supposed to. I think it would be good to lay the foundation for years to come after I graduate. I want to work with Christian Degas. That part has never changed.”

They both nod.

“Are you going to tell the other girls? You know Eilish will be worried. Sawyer and Savannah are off on one of their rendezvous so they don’t even know what happened today. I think they’re dating the same guy.” She looks heavenward, showing that even she thinks the idea is ridiculous. “And the poor fool can’t tell them apart. Of course they have no interest in him, but you know them. Everything is a game.”

I giggle, my face feeling grateful that I turned my frown upside down. “The twins have never been boring. You have to give them credit for that.”

“I guess so.”

“I’ll speak to the twins and Eilish this week. I have to see Eilish every week anyway as part of my probation. I’m guessing she might already know what’s going on with me but I’ll still talk to her about it.”

“Do you think you’ll be able to finish another sculpture that will get you in?” Annika looks concerned.

“We’ll see.” I sound doubtful because I am.

“I’ll miss you like crazy but I pray you get in.” Mackenzie clasps her hands like she’s really praying. “We didn’t really get close until the last two or so years, but nobody deserves that scholarship more than you. So let me know what I can do to help. Even if all I can do is provide cupcakes and wild fun.”

The three of us laugh.

“Thank you.” I make a heart with my fingers and hold it up. “Things will work out for you, too.”

“I’m still a work in progress.” She pouts. “But I’m working on it.”

---