Page 69 of Devious Knight

Chapter Seventeen

Isabelle

I take a sip of my chamomile tea and recoil the moment the taste hits the back of my throat. “Eww, that’s gross.”

People say chamomile is an acquired taste but I think that’s just an excuse to avoid saying that it tastes like acrid pond water.

Unfortunately, after falling into a disgusting pond when I was little, I do know what pond water tastes like.

I’m only drinking this tea because I read somewhere that chamomile is good for nerves. I’m not so sure but it beats drinking more coffee. I’ve already consumed ten cups in the space of five hours. Even I know that’s not good.

It’s eight in the morning and I’m at the art studio trying to figure out what I’m going to do for my new sculpture.

I have my notepad with some ideas. That’s it. I’ve been sitting here brainstorming for the last four hours but nothing solid has inspired me the way the last one did. The last sculpture won me a scholarship with Christian Degas. How the hell do I beat that?

My damn mind is blocked for all sorts of reasons. Kade Gurkovsky being the major one.

Him and that kiss.

Kade and I full-on tongue-kissed, and if he hadn’t stopped…

Well, that’s the part that truly scares me. Along with the fact that it was him who stopped the kiss. Not me.

It should have been me. I’m still trying to figure out why it wasn’t me.

I have so many reasons to not want him. Yet every time I’m near him he throws my emotions into a tailspin of chaos.

No wonder I can’t think straight. It doesn’t help that I didn’t sleep all night. I worked on some paintings to get my mind off everything.

Usually I paint in class but I haven’t done any personal paintings since November when Annika and I worked together.

She’s going to be a concert pianist and also composes music, so for one week we set aside some time to create. She composed while I painted to her music. I loved it. Exploring our talents in such a way was inspiring and magical.

Last night was not like that. Last night came from a dark place. Everything I did was filled with misery, sadness and confliction.

All because of Kade.

That kiss left my head spinning and my world spiraling out of control. It felt like having some kind of out-of-body experience. Except I was completely aware that I was in my body, experiencing him. And now I can’t get him out of my head.

I need to figure out something soon because today is my first day of servant duty and I’m dreading seeing him again.

I’m a nervous wreck. I have to be at his place at five to clean for three hours. He has football practice again. There’s a game next week so the team has been putting in extra hours. If luck is on my side I might not see him. At the same time I might.

I keep worrying about what will happen when we see each other.

What will I say?

What will I do if he tries to kiss me again?

Be sensible and tell him it can never happen again? Because that would make sense, right?

The old me would have killed for that kiss. The new me, however, needs to be more sensible and not melt into a mindless mess because Kade and I crossed a line we shouldn’t have crossed.

The kiss was obviously another of his mind games. No matter how real it felt.

I just have to figure out how to keep my head above the ground and not allow him to screw with me.

When I take another sip of the tea it actually tastes worse.

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