“Work.”
“Liar.”
I frown, feeling a distant instinct awaken. Is Valerie beginning to remember what happened? Does she remember seeing me cry over another woman? Offering my life for another woman’s?
I’ve spent hours considering how I would respond if Valerie asked about Sabine. I’ve landed on honesty. When the subject arises, I will tell Valerie that I am in love with another woman, and let the pieces fall where they may.
I clear my throat and look away. “You need to sleep, Valerie.”
“I can’t sleep now.” She sits up, peels back the covers. “I’d like to take a bath.”
Relieved to be away from the conversation, I quickly say, “I’ll prepare it for you.”
Six
Astor
Usually, Jackie, the nurse, takes care of assisting Valerie in the bathroom. But as her nightmares have increased, a midnight bath is sometimes the only thing that will soothe her.
I stay close to the bathroom door, per the doctor’s orders. Until we find the optimal dosage for her new medications, Valerie is considered a fall risk.
As she bathes, I pace outside the bedroom door, whiskey in hand. It’s now one in the morning, and the buzz I’ve gotten is making me more tired.
“Astor?”
I stop, frown. Is that Valerie?
“Astor . . .”
I rush into the bathroom where my wife is standing next to the bathtub, naked. Suds slide between her protruding breast bones, down her painfully skinny, pale body.
My reaction is visceral. Pure disgust.
I lower my gaze to the floor. “You okay?”
“Come here.”
Something in her tone sends a tingle up my spine.
“Are you okay?” I repeat, unmoving. “Do you need something?”
“Yes. Come here.”
My heart starts to pound as I cross the marble floor, slick with splashes of water.
“Look at me,” she demands.
I don’t.
“I said, look at me, husband.”
Her chin is lifted slightly, her jaw clenched in defiance.
“Have sex with me.”
I blink. “What?”
“Have sex with me, Astor.” Her tone turns whiny and desperate. “Like we did the first night. Please, I beg of you. Have sex with me.”