Page 90 of Mine

I close my eyes, feeling like I’m floating.

You make me feel like I’m flying ...

“You’re mine, Sabine. Say my name. Mine,” he whispers huskily. “Say my name. Mine—you’re mine; say it.” He’s desperate, unhinged, shaking through shuddering breaths. “Please be mine. Please be mine, please, Sabine, please, please, please?—”

I cry out, digging my nails into his back as I climax.

“Astor, I’m yours. I’m yours. Oh God, I’m yours, I’m yours ...”

Fifty-Three

Anonymous

My heart thunders in my ears. It feels like I’m one hard beat away from it jumping out of my skin. A bead of sweat drips down the side of my face as I grip the closet door, cracked just enough to see the bed bathed in moonlight.

With each thrust, the headboard hits the wall. Bang, bang, bang, the sound like a shotgun going off in my head.

My teeth gnash with such force I hear them grind, even over the panting across the room.

The photo in my hand crinkles, the lock of hair in the other, hanging limply from my fingertips and damp from my sweat.

I begin shaking.

As she screams his name, I picture myself bursting out of the closet and putting a bullet between their eyes.

Fifty-Four

Sabine

As I fall asleep, Astor slides his arm out from under me, carefully lifts off the bed, and slips out the door without a word.

This time I wait for him to come back, knowing that he will. And he does, around two in the morning.

He settles into the armchair.

“I don’t like that you leave me after sex,” I whisper from the pillow.

“I don’t like that I can’t control myself with you.”

“So don’t.”

My words from earlier echo through my head. I love you ...

Do you love me? I think. Say it. Say it now.

A long minute stretches between us.

“I can’t do this much longer, Astor. Emotionally, I can’t handle this.”

When he doesn’t respond, I roll over and pretend to go to sleep.

Fifty-Five

Sabine

“Wake up.”

I hear the door closing. Footsteps. Movement around me.

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