Page 61 of Her Mercenary

And why the hell did this bother me so much?

“So, even though you killed the man who killed your mother, you’re still going to kill Conor? An eye-for-an-eye type of thing?”

“I don’t expect you to understand.”

“I’d rethink that statement if I were you, Roman.”

He looked up, seeing in my eyes what I’d been through. “I’m sorry.”

I nodded, then continued. “So, you’ve been seeking revenge one way or another for her since you were twelve years old?” The thought was almost unfathomable.

“After I killed Oisin, I tried to forget everything. Figured justice was served. I lived on the streets until I was sixteen. Then I lived with a friend, a few years older, who had a house. I worked as a dishwasher during the days, ran drugs during the night, collecting intel here and there of the CUN. I was acting undercover before I even realized it.”

He shook his head as if he’d just now understood that fact.

“It happened slowly, really. I made a few connections, then realized it was easier to make more connections if I were undercover. Eventually, I saved up enough money and got the next flight out of Ireland to America. I wanted to leave everything behind. Try to start a new life. Turns out, a change of scenery doesn’t take the pain away.”

“Did you ever go back?”

“Home?”

“Yeah.”

“No.” Roman plucked a stone from the ground and tossed it into the jungle. “Our neighbor, her name is Freya, cleaned out our house after the eviction notices began piling up.” He snorted out a pathetic laugh. “The woman has made it her damn life mission to send me my mom’s things.”

“That must be hard, seeing her things again.”

“I wouldn’t know. I’ve never accepted them back. After I moved away, Freya contacted a friend of mine named Kieran Healy, who gave her my personal email address. She keeps emailing me, asking where I want her to send everything. I’ve never responded.”

“Roman—”

“I know, I know.”

“No, seriously. This could be a huge part of the closure I think you need so badly. Let her send you everything. I’ll bet it will help.” I put my hand on his knee. “There’s got to be a point where you just have to accept that it happened and let it all go, Roman. Hang on to the good memories, but let the pain go.”

He seemed to contemplate this, then said, “My mom was super religious. Funny, huh?”

“Why funny?”

“Well, I don’t understand why she let it go on. Why she allowed the men to control her life ... Why she allowed all this evil into her life if she claimed to believe in God and heaven and all that stuff. She never even called the cops, you know. Never once. I don’t understand it.”

“She did it for you.”

He shook his head.

“Roman, she did it to protect you.”

Pain squeezed his face. “I don’t think she would approve of me now.”

“I think you’re using that as a way out.”

Frowning, he glared at me.

“I mean, you feel like you’re already past the point of saving. She wouldn’t approve, so you might as well keep crossing the line between good and evil, right? It’s a lot easier to keep doing something you know you’re not supposed to, than to make the effort to stop and turn it around.”

“I’ve done a lot of things I’m not supposed to, Sam.”

“So, turn it around.”

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