Page 56 of Return to You

Kade steadied her as she stood. “I’m driving.”

He picked the keys up and as they rushed out to the truck he told himself that everything was going to be okay. It had to be. He didn’t care who he had to make a deal with, he’d do anything to protect what was his. And Ali, Ricky, and KJ were his. They were his family. His life. His everything.

22

Mercy General, the nearest hospital, was twenty miles from Whisper Lake in Rosewood Grove. A year and a half ago, Jess had driven like a maniac to get Ali there. Today, Kade was driving even faster.

Ali sat in the passenger seat, lost in a feeling of déjàvu as she stared out the window at trees that passed by in a blur of green. They were the same trees she’d seen when Jess had driven her. Just like she’d known something was wrong before she picked up the phone and heard KJ telling her that there was an accident, Ricky was bleeding, and they were rushing him to the emergency room, she’d known something was wrong before she even picked up the phone when she got the call that Patrick had collapsed while filling up at the gas station and was unresponsive.

Her body was numb except for her lips, which were tingling. She wasn’t sure if it was because of the adrenaline that was racing through her or if it was due to her shallow breathing. Since hanging up the phone she hadn’t been able to take in a full breath. She had no idea how bad Ricky was hurt, or if he was even conscious. KJ hadn’t been able to give her any details because his phone was about to die.

Die.

It was such a small word for something that caused such a huge impact. Not when it was a device, of course, but when it was a person. It was final. It was devastating. It was catastrophic.

She closed her eyes and was transported back to the waiting area of the emergency room on that cold October day. When they arrived, the nurse told them that Patrick was in a critical state and someone would be out to update her “soon.” Ali had not been allowed to go back and see her brother because he was being treated. Ali kept trying to get answers, any information at all on his condition, but they kept being told “soon.”

Ali would sit for a few minutes then get up and pace, unable to be still. Then she’d try to calm down and sit again and the cycle would start all over. Jess never left her side. The panic, fear, and anxiety she’d felt would be branded into her memory.

Everything had felt like it was going in slow motion. There was a round clock on the wall in the waiting room and Ali remembered watching as the red second hand clicked around the circle. Sixty seconds felt like an hour.

Then came the moment her entire world shifted and everything she knew changed forever. Beneath the clock, a doctor walked through the door that was labeled Hospital Personnel Only. His head hung down and he stopped and spoke to a nurse who pointed in Ali’s direction.

As soon as she’d seen the look in that doctor’s eyes, she’d known that Patrick was gone. When he spoke, his words came to her in bits and pieces like they had a bad telephone connection.

“Everything we could.”

“Trauma team.”

“CPR.”

“Unfortunately.”

“Unable to resuscitate.”

“Passed away.”

Once she’d heard those words, she’d crumbled. Jess had been there to catch her. She only had sporadic memories of the hours and days that followed. Telling the twins. People showing up with food. Feeling like she was being swallowed in a black hole of grief. And the whole time, she kept expecting Patrick to walk through the door. He never did, of course.

It was like a nightmare she couldn’t wake up from.

But she had woken up. Kade had helped her wake up.

As she sat beside him the world around her was still a hazy blur but mentally everything snapped into sharp focus. She felt a jarring moment of clarity. Life. It was a gift that she’d been taking for granted. Everything that she’d been stressing about didn’t matter. The only thing that did was the people she loved. That’s it.

For the past eighteen months she’d been surviving, not living. Patrick was gone and she’d barely been holding on. She’d tied herself in knots worrying and stressing over the boys. And for what? Where had that worry and stress gotten her? It hadn’t kept Ricky safe today.

She made a promise to herself that if Ricky was okay, that all ended today.

From here on out, she was going to live life to the fullest and love to the fullest. No holding back. No more letting the past rule her life because life was too short to spend it looking back.

Life was fleeting, precious, and in the blink of an eye it could be gone.

She looked beside her and saw Kade. Really saw him, maybe for the first time. There was tension in his shoulders and his knuckles were white as he gripped the steering wheel. His chest was rising and falling in shallow breaths. The veins in his neck were visible from his jaw clenching.

In that moment a realization struck her: he was just a man. In her eyes, he’d always been so capable. So strong. So invincible. And he definitely had those qualities in spades, especially compared to other men. But he was also broken, weak, and vulnerable, just like everyone else.

And she loved him. She loved Kade with all of her heart. She didn’t know what that meant for their future, or if they even had one together, but that wasn’t the point. All she could do, all she had any control over, was to make sure that the people she loved knew that she loved them.

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