Page 83 of Fragments of You

“I know we have to leave soon, but I really need to say this.”

I nod, allowing her to continue.

“You were right, what you said about me and Felix. I was a child, and like a child is exactly how I behaved. I chose him over everything. I chose him over you, my own family. He had me so brainwashed that I was willing to stand to the side and let him marry my sister, all while keeping it a secret that we had been together. And what’s worse, if he had come to me, I would have let him have me, even knowing he was committed to you. That’s how bad it was for me.”

“He manipulated you,” I inject. “He manipulated me, too. He made me believe he had changed. That I had changed him. But I knew him. I had known him for years. I knew the kind of man he was, and yet, I let his charm and good looks blind me just the same.”

Even now, when I think back to my time with Felix, I don’t see that man. The man capable of this hurt and destruction. To me, he was always so loving. He made me feel like I was the axis his world tilted on. It took me a very long time to allow myself to admit the truth. That it had all been a lie. That I was nothing more than a prize to him. A trophy he could put up on the mantel to show off to everyone.

I can see our life so clearly now, how it would have been. It was only a matter of time before the challenge had worn off. Once he had me, he wouldn’t have wanted me anymore. Not really. Knowing what I know now, I would’ve given it two years before the affairs began. By year five, I would have been aware of them. And by year ten, I would eventually divorce him, but by then I would have wasted some of the best years of my life.

So in a way, I guess I’m lucky that I got out when I did. Saved me a lot of years of misery and pain. Years I’ve now been able to dedicate to getting to know myself and what I truly want out of this life.

“I went to see him the day you left,” she hesitantly admits. “We slept together. And do you know what he said to me afterward? That my sister was better.”

My jaw goes slack at her words. How could he... How could anyone say that to another person?

“He was purposely trying to hurt you.”

“He was. And he succeeded. I spent the better part of freshman year convinced I would never be good enough for anyone. That I would never measure up to you. I would never be as pretty as you, or as smart as you, or as good of a daughter as you. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me growing up in your shadow? And then, for the one person I had been basically obsessed with for the better part of my life to tell me I wasn’t as good as you, it broke me.”

“Celine...”

“It’s not your fault.” She doesn’t let me finish my thought. “I know that now. But back then, all I saw was perfect Paisley, someone I would never measure up to, and I resented you for it.”

“I am not perfect. Far from it.”

“But in my eyes, you always were. Hell, you still are. Because I treated you awfully, and here you stand, looking at me like I didn’t spend years rubbing dog shit in your face.”

My nose crinkles at her choice of words.

“Gross.” The side of my mouth hitches in the semblance of a smile.

“Shut up.” She grins back at me. “You know what I mean.”

“I won’t deny that what you said to me the day I left hurt and the fact that you lied to me for so long. But I meant what I said that day. You were a victim, even more so than I was.”

“I can see that now. It took me a long time, but I’ve spent the last four years taking a really long, hard look at myself, and I can tell you that I didn’t like the person staring back at me in the mirror.”

“And now?”

“Now.” She turns back toward the mirror, taking a long, hard look at herself. “I see a girl with an incredible family, amazing friends, and a boyfriend who makes me feel like the most special person in the world. I’m not perfect, I won’t ever claim to be, but when I look at this person”—she gestures to her reflection—“I see someone worth fighting for. A work in progress, to be sure, but worthy just the same.”

“You’ve always been worthy, Celine. You just needed to allow yourself to see that.” I take a hesitant step forward. “So tell me about this guy.” I meet her gaze in the mirror.

“Tyler.” She spins back around toward me. “You’ll get to meet him today at graduation. He is wonderful. So kind and caring, and he’s not too bad on the eyes either.” She raises her eyebrows up and down.

“He sounds like a great guy.”

“He really is.”

“I’m glad you found someone who shows you how amazing you are instead of someone who tears you down. You deserve that, Sister. You deserve a life surrounded by love and people who will tell you how special you are every single day.”

“Does that mean you forgive my atrocious behavior?”

“I forgave you a long time ago, Celine. You are my sister. Even when you rub dog shit in my face.” I let out a small chuckle. “I will always be here for you.”

I’m not prepared for the moment Celine’s arms close around me. She moves so quickly, one moment she’s across the room, the next she’s hugging me so tightly, I can barely pull in a real breath.

---